Fixing This
by gotye
Summary: What if John was home when Natalie received the picture of him kissing another woman from Todd?
1. Chapter 1

This has been rattling around in my head since, OLTL ended and ABC and Prospect Park trashed what was left of my fav couple. This is my take on how to fix this mess. At this point, no idea who owns what but, I know it ain't me.

August 4, 2011

"Natalie, I'm home", John said as he came thru the door with a bag of take out in his hand. Setting both his keys and the take out down he called, " Liam…Liam where are you buddy." Looking thru the dining room into the kitchen, and not seeing anyone, he made his way to the stairs, "Hey come on, I brought some take out from Rodi's…..Natalie?"

"I'm here", she said from the top of the stairs.

"Are you hungry? I brought us something to eat….where's Liam?"

Natalie couldn't fight the smile that broke out on her face. "He's with my mom for the afternoon. I thought we could use some time to ourselves" she said nervously. "Is that ok?"

"Is that ok? That is more than ok. Come here." John slipped his arms around her and kissing her softly then pulling back just enough to place a small kiss on her forehead. "I love you", he said.

"I will never get tired of hearing that, I love you, too. And…." taking a deep breath, she said, "I have some news."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup."

"Ok well, let me get some plates and we can talk while we eat because, I have plans for you later" he said, his smile growing wider. He couldn't image what he would be without her. They had been through so much together and now that all of the pieces had finally fallen into place, they were happy. If anyone would have told him that day he walked into Crossroads that this woman would be the one he would spend the rest of his life with, the one to be the mother of his child, he would have said they were crazy. He wanted her, yes, from the moment he saw her. From the second she opened her mouth and he looked into her eyes.

_"Uhm...Christian said you were looking for me?"_

_"You're Natalie?"_

_"Yeah, why?"_

_"Well, if I didn't have a reason before…I got one now." _

"Really?" she grinned, "And what might those be?" She asked, knowing full well what he had in mind. She loved this man, more than she thought was possible. What they had was so much more than what she thought was possible. She loved Christian and Jared both. Completely and totally but, while they were both gentle and kind souls, their touch never burned the way John's did. She could feel him in her soul, way down deep.

_"Are you gonna take your shot?"_

_"Right now." _

"Well, that's a surprise but, we should probably nourish ourselves first. We'll need the energy", he smirked. Lowering his mouth to her, he deepened the kiss.

"Alright, enough of that for now", he said as he pulled away. "We can finish that later; first, we need to eat. I'll go get some plates, you sit down. I'll be right back."

"Ok", she smiled.

Hearing the flap on the mailbox bang closed, Natalie went over to the door to retrieve the mail.

"Hey, you wanna beer", John asked from the kitchen.

Taking a deep breath, and thinking of the new life inside her, Natalie said, "No thanks, can you grab me a water?"

"Water?" He asked returning to the living room with plates, forks, napkins, a beer for him and her water.

"Yeah", she said. "Just sounds good right now." She smiled imagining the look on his face when she told him her news. Liam had been a surprise, completely unplanned. One they weren't even sure they were ready for. This baby, they had talked about even though she never thought it would happen so fast.

They hadn't been in their new house very long, when they spent one afternoon christening almost every room and John had told her about a dream or a vision he'd had the night of his accident. A dark haired boy and a red headed girl. He was ready for another he had said. She couldn't have been happier.

"Is that the mail?" He asked, "I'm waiting on some information from Harrisburg on a case."

"Yeah, I don't see anything like that, just bills, bills, bills….and this package for me. Huh, I wonder what it is." It was a large manila envelope with no return address on it.

"Well, you won't know till you open it", John said reaching for their lunch and opening the bag.

Natalie carefully opened the end and pulled out the contents.

She read the note, and then read it again and her stomach dropped.

_-Natalie, thought you deserved to know what kind of man John McBain _

_really is. Love always, Uncle Todd.-_

She slowly separated the note from what was clearly a picture. She couldn't breathe, she thought her heart stopped and she could feel it breaking. She couldn't speak and she couldn't look away. Her brain didn't want to believe what her eyes were seeing. Thoughts were flashing in her head quickly and incompletely. What...who is this…is this real…what am I going do…this can't be right…is there more than this…

"Natalie, what is it?" John asked standing up. "Hey, are you ok? Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

She looked up at him, the tears on the verge of falling, she still couldn't speak.

"Natalie, what is it?" She shook her head, trying to clear her mind to speak, never breaking eye contract with him. She shook it again as no words came. Looking at him, she slowing turned the photo around. His face fell.

"I can explain", he whispered. All she could do it stare, the tears had started to fall and she could do nothing to stop them. She couldn't move, she was paralyzed. Had she even taken a breath yet? Her heart was shattered.

Finally she managed, "You can explain?" in a broken voice.

"Where did you get this?" He asked, had Sam sent it to her? No, she wouldn't do that would she? He wanted to tell her, he HAD planned on telling her, just not yet. It wasn't the right time. He reached out to take the papers out of her hand and she drew her hand back quickly.

"Is this real? Is this true?" She whispered. He could see the pain and betrayal in her blue eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes he could get lost in for days, begging him to tell her it wasn't true. The sadness, radiating off of her in waves.

"Yes, it's real." He said lowly.

"Oh my god", she cried, she breathing coming now in pants as she tried to get a grip on her emotions, "Why?"

"Natalie, it's not what you think."

"Did you just seriously say that to me?" She scoffed.

"Listen to me, I was drunk, very drunk and I missed you and I wasn't thinking straight." As much as he wanted to turn away from the look on her face in shame, he couldn't. This wasn't right; he should have told her sooner.

"So you were drunk and horny and….what….thought you would substitute me with some random slut?"

"No, no it wasn't like that. I meant to tell you, I just…"

"You just what….forgot? You just haven't gotten around to it? What?" The anger was starting to set in now that the shock was wearing off.

"Ok", he said slowly, "Let's just sit down and talk about this. It didn't mean anything, I promise you."

"Oh, you promise me", she scoffed. Trying hard not to break down, Natalie looked back down at the picture in her hand. "She's very pretty", she said evenly.

"Not as pretty as you."

Looking up, she glared at him. "Stop it, just….stop…" She shoved the picture and the note into his chest and started to walk away.

"Wait, sweetheart, please…can we talk about this?"

"Why, what is there to say", she said her voice breaking and not turning around to face him.

"I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you. I never, ever wanted to hurt you."

"But, you did", she whispered. "Do you love her? Do you want to be with her?"

His heart was breaking with the sound of her voice, so sad, so defeated and hating the fact that he'd forced her to ask him that question. He hated that he made she doubt him. "The only woman I want is you, the only woman I love is you", he told her. "You healed me, and I can't live without you. Please just…let's talk about this" He said to her back, he reached for her to turn her to him and she flinched.

"I'm sorry, please let's just-"

"I need to go", she said interrupting him.

He didn't think his heart could have sunk much lower but, it did at those words.

"What? Go where?" He asked.

She closed her eyes as fresh tears started to fall. She could barely get the word out, and he barely heard it as both of their hearts were breaking so loudly.

"Away." She ran up the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Standing at the bottom of the stairs looking up, he could only stand there in shock. She was leaving. How had this happened? He remembered the papers in his hand. Looking at the picture that just destroyed his life, he turned it over and saw the note.

Todd.

"Son of a bitch" he growled. "I'm going to kill you Manning!"

John flung the picture and the note across the room. Running a hand over his face, then thru his hair, he took a couple deep breaths and heard the door to the hall closet upstairs slam. The suitcases were in that closet.

"Damn it", he ran up the stairs to the bedroom.

This room was the main reason they loved this house when they saw it. His whole apartment at the hotel could have fit in this room twice. She had decorated it perfectly, the perfect mix of them both. No flowers or nothing too girly and just the right amount of masculine for him and feminine for her. The large Queen bed against one wall and the fireplace against the other. A couple of chairs to the side that get moved when he wants to make love to her on the rug, in front of the fireplace. Lost in his thoughts he saw her there, her red hair fanned out against the white rug as they made love.

_"Wow"_

_"Yeah, wow..."_

_"I like it down here", she said laying her head on his chest._

_"We do have a pretty big bed a few feet away", he chuckled._

_"What can't handle lying on the floor old man", she had teased him._

_"Sweetheart, there ain't nothing old about me." He pulled her closer._

_"Oh yeah", she whispered. "Prove it." Running her hand down his side._

_He turned to grin at her, and then moved closer. Hovering above her lips he said, "Hang on." _

_He then went on to prove it twice more._

She already had a suitcase half full.

"What are you doing?" he said quietly.

She had just got the tears to stop; she had to swallow around the lump in her throat before she could answer him.

Turning and walking in the master bathroom she said, "I'm packing."

Looking around the bathroom, she caught sight of the things she needed and she grabbed them up. She loved this bathroom. It was large with a full stand up shower and a large sunken tub for two. Remembering, the nights they spent wrapped up in each other in that tub….No, she closed her eyes, she's not going to do this. She turned back to the bedroom and dropped her things in the bag.

"Please don't go...we have to talk about this." He said in that same quiet voice, afraid to talk any louder.

"I can't right now", she answered back, "I need to think."

She turned to go back to the dresser and he grabbed her wrist, she froze, "We can't work this out if you're not here."

"John, the easiest thing for me to do right now would be to let you talk me into staying and let you take me in your arms and make everything better but, right now, I really, really need to get away from you and think. There is so much that I don't understand and I am so confused and hurt and angry and…and devastated. I need some air to wrap my mind around all or this. Please, don't try to stop me."

With tears welling up in his eyes he asked, "Where are you going?"

"To my mom's, I think, for now." Still not looking at him, she turned to walk out of the bedroom.

"What about Liam?" He asked, already knowing the answer, she would take him with her.

"I'm going to pack him a few things and he can stay there with me." Even though he knew that was what she was going to say, hearing the word broke his heart all over again.

Turning to look at him for the first time since he'd come up stairs and seeing the look on his face, she said, "I won't keep you from him, John, you can come see him whenever you want but, I need sometime to process all of this."

Swiping at his eyes John said, "What can I do to fix this, what do you need me to do, I'll do anything to make this right." He pleaded with her, "Please just tell me what you want."

Taking a deep breath, and with a surprising steady voice she said, "Leave me alone." And with that she turned and walked down the hall to Liam's room.

Feeling empty, and broken, John went back down stairs. He couldn't watch her leave him, he couldn't, he had to get out of here. Picking up the note and the picture, John left the house and jumped in his truck. His Avalanche was brand new, they bought it together right after they bought the house. It was the first vehicle he'd ever owned that was totally new and paid for. Black of course, leather, completely decked out. She said she loved seeing him drive it, she had said it turned her on and she had promptly shown him how much in the back seat after they'd brought it home.

_"You're keeping it now right", she asked as she straddled his lap. Her shirt and bra were gone and her skirt was pulled up around her waist._

_"Well I can't take it back now…we've defiled it", he said chuckling, trying to act serious but, he was too happy to keep the smile off his face. Running his hands up and down her bare legs and around to her backside. Still inside her, he pulled her even closer._

_"Good", she said, "cuz, I like it, you look good in here, and black is definitely your color." She whispered._

He started the engine and thought about where he needed to go. He was going to pound some answers out of Manning if it was the last thing he did.

Hearing the front door close and John's truck start, Natalie took what felt like the first real breath since she open that package. Looking around her son's room, all she could feel was overwhelming sadness. How did it come to this? Literally in a split second her world fell apart.

Grabbing a few things for her little boy, she finished her packing and went back down stairs. She looked around the living room, their lunch still sitting on the coffee table, she loved this house. All the memories they had already created in the few short months they had been there and all of the plans that they had, were sour now.

They'd moved in at the beginning of March. It was perfect for their family. It was truly them, a mixture of their tastes and personalities as individuals and as a couple. The grey walls in the living room with the woodwork and black leather couches was definitely all John, the soft blue walls of the dining room and kitchen were her favorite. She took a lot of pride in the kitchen and dining room. The dining room table was the first thing they had purchased together for the house and she had the island in the kitchen custom built and while it wasn't intentional, they had discovered it was the perfect height for more than cooking.

_"AH…."she screamed and giggled at the same time. "John stop!" She yelled as he chased her around the island.  
"Come'ere", he laughed, "Don't run away…I'll just catch you." He snagged her by the wrist and hauled her to him and kissed her hard. What was playful suddenly turned passionate as he lifted her to the top of the island. _

_"Mmmm….should we do this in here?" She asked as he kissed his way down her neck, unbuttoning her shirt as he went. _

_"Why not?" he asked and he threw off his own shirt and started on her shorts as she reached out for the top of his jeans. Pulling her to him and closing his eye as he slid into her he said, "What was the question?"_

_"Uhm…what?" She said, as they forgot about everything but, each other._

Turning and walking outside, Natalie could feel the tears again as she shut the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Flying down the highway and filled with rage John barely had the presence of mind to go over what he was going to say to Todd when he found him. His only thought was of all the ways he could physically hurt him. He wanted to slam his fist into Todd's face until he was unrecognizable. Never noticing the hours that passed, John pulled up to Todd's new office building in Port Charles.

So focused on his anger, he was standing before Todd's door before he knew it.

"MANNING!" He bellowed, as he burst through the door. Hesitating only a second when it registered that Samantha Morgan was standing in the room with Todd.

"You're gonna to pay for what you did." He said lowly.

"W-what's going on here John, w-w-what are you doing?" He stuttered.

"John, what's going on? What did Todd do?" She asked nervously, she had never seen him angry before.

Pulling the picture out of his pocket, he shoved it towards her. "This", he said.

"Oh, what the hell is this?" she asked already knowing.

"Oh and here I thought you were committed to my niece." Todd said smugly.

"Where did this come from? Who took this?" Sam demanded.

"This bastard right here and he sent it to Natalie" John said glaring at Todd.

"Why would you do something like that?" Sam asked clearly confused.

"Why?! Because I thought my niece deserved to know what kind of low down dog of a man she was marrying." Todd answered. "I look out for my family." He was so arrogant.

"You look out for your family, you don't even like her, you don't give a damn about Natalie. You tried to sell her heart once! What the hell is wrong with you?" John yelled. Bringing his voice down he said, "There are so many ways you could have come after me, Manning, did you have to do something so hateful to Natalie?" John said barely controlling his anger.

"Nothing good can come from this…this….this makes it look like John was having an affair." Sam interjected.

"He is! At the time of this make-out session, John McBain was not a free man! He was living with my niece and their son, isn't that right John? And so were you….AND have you forgotten that her husband is a hired hit-man?!" Todd yelled pointing to Sam.

"Why did you have to hurt Natalie like this? You only wanted to get back at me." John said.

"Yeah, that's right", said Todd.

"Why did you want to get back at John?" Sam asked.

"Because I LOVE the mother of my children and we were going to have a life together! We all most had it all until you barged in and arrested me for murdering my brother! Who nobody liked by the way, you hated him! You and your hero complex! You had to 'save' Blair from me! You should know this is what he does!" Turning around to face Sam, "He goes around SAVING women! There is a long line of damsels that he's saved as long as my arm! Natalie is one in hundreds of women that the great McBain has SAVED. The only one that has hung around! But, of course you knocked her up, didn't you and now you've abandoned her! For what? Another damsel to save?!"

"So….that isn't any reason to blow HER world apart!" Sam yelled.

"No he blew her world apart when he got involved with you and how do you think she feels right now? Huh? I hope she never forgets how this moment feels!" Todd said through his teeth snidely.

"Yeah, well I hope you never forget how this feels!" John growled before he slugged him in the jaw. As Todd fell over, John picked him up by the collar and punched him in the stomach.

"Stop, John, stop!" Sam yelled.

John let Todd slide to the floor and he crouched down, "How DOES that feel Manning?" John whispered.

Todd tried to smile but, it came out of more of a grimace, but, his words struck John harder than a real punch to the gut.

"Where IS Natalie right now John? Somehow if you're here, I doubt she is waiting for you at home." John shoved Todd out of his way as he was leaving.

"John wait", Sam called.

"Yeah" He looked down at her. She was beautiful. Petite, dark complexion, dark hair but, she could never compare to Natalie's red fiery hair, and alabaster skin. Her husband was a lucky man but, she wasn't his type. She was the opposite of what he wanted, what he loved and what he needed was the fire Samantha Morgan didn't posses, what he needed was Natalie.

"I'm so sorry", she started. "How is Natalie?"

"She left, she….went to her mom's for a while, she said she needed to think. I have to fix this, I need her. I love her more than life itself. I don't know what I am going to do."

"Well, would it help if I talked to her?"

"No, oh no", he chuckled, "That would definitely not help, thank you for the offer but, at this point it would only make things worse." He could only imagine what Natalie's reaction would be if Sam showed up on her doorstep. No, that would not be good he thought.

"Listen, um…I'm sorry too, I hope that this doesn't cause you too much trouble with your husband."

"Actually, Jason already knows."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah as a matter of fact, it's forced us to have some pretty good conversations. I think we might start to get back on track now after being out of sync for so long", she answered.

"Well, I'm glad he understood" John chuckled as he rubbed his hand over his face, damn he was tired.

"Well unlike you and Natalie, you know, we had been having some problems for a while. I think this just forced us to think about what we really wanted in life and, what I really want is Jason and our life together."

As the elevator arrived for them to go down, she said, "I really hope you can work everything out with Natalie. You deserve to be happy. You both do."

"Yeah", John said with a deep sigh, "Me too. Good luck, Sam."

"Goodbye, John", she said, her tone sounded final. As he climbed back into his truck and headed for home, he prayed to God that she could find a way to forgive him.


	4. Chapter 4

"Natalie, darling? What's wrong?"

"Hey mom, how is Liam?" Natalie didn't think she was ready to talk about it but, knew Victoria Banks wasn't going to let this go for long.

"He's napping. I thought you and John were going to spend the afternoon alone. What's happened?"

"Mom, I really want to tell you, and I will but, I'm not sure I can talk about it yet." Looking at her daughter Viki was surprised to see sadness and devastation in her eyes. "Was he not happy about the baby?" she asked quietly. Oh hell, Natalie thought, the baby.

"I didn't tell him about the baby yet" she said.

"Ok, well, why don't you sit down and I will have Lois get you a drink.

"Ok, hey, um…is it ok if Liam and I stay here for a couple of days?" Natalie was glad she could keep her voice even.

"Oh darling, you don't even have to ask, the house has been so empty since Jessie and the kids left. Is it that serious?" Natalie giggled at the absurdity of her mother's question.

"Serious" she repeated, "Oh, you could say that. My loving, thoughtful Uncle Todd sent me a package today."

"Oh", her mother asked.

"Yeah, a great picture of my fiancé kissing another woman."

"Oh Natalie, I am so sorry, are you sure, was it recent?"

"July fourth, the time stamp said, and yeah he admitted it. Said he was going to tell me and that it meant nothing, he was drunk and missing me. Isn't it wonderful that when the man that I love is missing me, he can get drunk and turn to any random slut and make out with her to forget his troubles?" Natalie said sarcastically.

Viki patted Natalie's knee and said, "You and Liam are welcome here any time for as long as you want."

Natalie smiled at her mother, "Thanks mom that means a lot."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet", Natalie said as she started pacing, "I just need to think."

"Well, how bout, I let you do that then, alright? And besides, I think I need to speak to my brother, you just let me know if you need anything." Viki said as she closed the doors to the library and left Natalie to her thoughts.

"I will" she mumbled already lost in her head.

The anger was building, how could he, after all of the things he said to her, and the promises he made. Communication had always been their problem. Neither one thinking the other could handle the truth. He lied to her about Christian, about his recovery after his accident, hell who he was when they'd met had been a lie.

She forgave him for all of that, just like he had forgiven her, for covering up evidence in the Spencer Truman case, for lying about Liam and Brody and all of that. They had promised to start over and put those things behind them but, now he was lying about another woman. What else was he hiding? Was there more than a kiss?

He had been to Port Charles so much in the last few months, what was really going on? He had told her that the FBI had fabricated this story about him having this long lost sister to help an FBI buddy out in trying to take down a mob king there but, was that the truth? The story he had said was a ruse to get this mob guy that had murdered a young girl and John played the part of grieving vengeful brother in order to make contacts there and gather information for the FBI. While they weren't sure if they had enough info, John had been pretty sure that his time there was over for the time being. Who else did he meet there?

Everything Natalie knew to be the truth was suddenly not and she didn't know what to believe anymore. John hurting her was one thing but, this wasn't about them anymore. He can't just do whatever he wants and think their children won't be affected. Children, damn she never got to tell him. Placing a hand on her still flat stomach, her heart ached for her children. She had stupidly thought things were perfect. That they were going to enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest without secrets and lies hanging over them.

Hearing a knock on the library door, Natalie looked up seeing her mom poke her head in.

"Darling, Lois says dinner is ready. Liam is up and asking for you."

"Thanks mom, but, I'm not really hungry." Not realizing how much time had past while she sat thinking.

"Natalie, you need to eat, for the baby. When was the last time you've eaten today?"

"I had some toast this morning; I really think if I eat I will be sick."

"Well, come sit with us anyway, Liam is asking for you and maybe you will nibble on something. You have to remember to keep your strength up for the baby. We can't have you getting sick on top of all this stress."

As Natalie got up to follow her mother to the kitchen, her cell phone rang.

"I'll be right there mom". She knew who it was with out looking, and she knew answering it right now was a bad idea but, if she didn't he would be there in a minute banging on the door and she couldn't see him right now.

"Hello"

"We need to talk." He sounded desperate.

"I don't want to right now John, I'm sorry but, you need to just….give me some space for a few days." She tried to reason with him but, her anger was building again.

"Listen, I am almost back to town, probably another hour, and I want you to meet me at the house", he said.

"Almost back to town? Where did you go?" She asked.

"To Port Charles, I-"

"WHAT?!" she interrupted. "Why the hell were you there? Need to check on your

lover?!" She yelled.

"What? No I went-"

"You know what, I don't care, go back there! Stay there with her, I have nothing to say to you, and you have nothing I want to hear! I'm finished with this conversation!" she hung up and threw her phone down. She couldn't be here anymore, she had to leave. Picking up her phone she placed a call.

"Hey, it's me, how would you like for Liam and I to come for a visit?"

"Hey Natty, are you kidding, we would love it", He brother said happily. "What did John do now?" He said with out missing a beat.

"Tonight" she answered, "And why do you automatically think John did something?"

"Didn't he? That's the way you two work." Natalie rolled her eyes.

"Damn it, Natalie!" John threw his phone down on the passenger seat of his truck. She had to listen to him; he had to make her listen. He was not about to loose everything over a misunderstanding. If she won't come to him, he will just have to head over to Llanfair when he got back to town and force her to listen. "Stupid, stupid, stupid…" he said to himself, why did he start with the fact he had been to Port Charles, not that he would have lied and said he was any where else but, now she thinks he was there to see Samantha. This day just keeps getting better and better.

"Thanks Uncle Bo", Natalie hung up from her uncle after explaining that she needed some personal time that she would be taking it effective immediately, she would be leaving for London tonight and no John would not be coming with her. Her next phone call wouldn't be pleasant.

Her father, even though he has tried very hard for her, really didn't like John and she was hoping to avoid the truth when he was sure to ask her why she needed to use the jet to get to London as soon as possible. He would be all too happy to make sure she got as far away from John as she could and try to make it stay that way. Her brothers wouldn't be much better once she reached London, Rex, Joey & Kevin all had their issues with John and none of them would be too sad to see them apart. The only one with out a grudge would be Cord but, she wouldn't want to spend too much time with Tina. Or Kelly for that matter, nope better to stay away from the mansion there.

She would stay with Rex and Gigi, Rex she could handle and Gigi had turned out to be a great friend who was there for her last year when she needed someone.

By the time John reached front gates of Llanfair, he was exhausted and he knew that he had a time ahead of him with Natalie. He loved how passionate she could become over something she felt strongly about but, she was wrong this time and he had to make her see.

"Oh, John, come on in", Viki smiled and greeted him as warmly as ever.

"Mrs. Banks, I really need to see Natalie", he told her.

"Well, you've just missed her."

"Ah, uhm…did she go home or…"

"No John, she left. She's gone."

"Gone? Gone where?" he asked.

"Gone to catch her flight" she responded cautiously, taking a deep breath she asked "she didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" John's heart sank, where the hell did she go? And why didn't she say anything?

"Natalie left for London about…maybe 30 minutes ago. I thought she had let you know. I'm sorry John."

"What do you mean she left for London? Why is she going to London and…where is Liam?" John was praying she didn't do what he suspected she did.

"She took him with her; she said they were going to visit Rex for a while. She cleared her scheduled with Bo and requested the jet from her father." Viki looked genuinely sorry for the fact that she was left to deliver this news to him.

"Do you know when her flight was to leave?" he asked, hoping he wasn't too late, he had to stop her.

"Probably in about 30 minutes, if you hurry you might be able to catch her, I AM truly sorry John, I know that you love my daughter and she did tell me a little about what was going on between you. I hope this is something you can work out."

"Me too, I never meant to hurt her. I do love Natalie, Mrs. Banks, more than anything." He said trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I believe that you do John but, you both seem so set on hurting each other. Well, do hurry and be careful." She said with a small smile.

"Thank you, Mrs. Banks, I will."

John found himself flying down the highway again to the private Buchanan airstrip out by the airport. Surely he was breaking speeding and driving laws left and right. Not being sure if he would make it, he called her cell.

"I can't do this right now…" she answered

"Natalie, don't hang up….your mother said you were leaving for London, you can't go. You need to come home, London is not your home, the three of us….we are a family. You can't just take off."

"John, I told you, I need some time, I can't even talk to you right now."

"Listen, I know you're mad but, you just can't take my son and leave the country."

"I don't understand how you could do this to us John", she felt the tears again, God she hated to cry! "I can't breathe right now staying in Llanview, I have to get away." Hating the fact that her voice was breaking.

"Damn it, Natalie, I hate myself right now and I am so sorry. I will spend the rest of our lives making this up to you but, right now we need to talk and you need to come home."

"I'm not coming home." She stated flatly.

"Then, I'll come to London, I'm going to go home get my passport and I'm on the next flight out."

"You can't." Natalie braced herself, when he heard what she did; he was going to go ballistic.

"Why not", he asked. "WHY NOT!" he hollered when she didn't answer.

"I took your passport." She replied quickly.

"What? You what?! You took my son and you took my passport?! Do you really think that is going to stop me from finding you?" John had to pull the truck over because he was shaking with anger.

"Goodbye John." Natalie hung up. What was she doing? Was this the right thing? It felt right when she first thought of it. No, no second guessing, she had to get away to think. What did the future hold for her and her children, was John going to be apart of it. These hormones here going to be the death of her, she thought.

"Stop it Natalie", she said out loud, no more thinking tonight. She looked over at her sleeping son. He was beautiful, he looked more and more like his father every day. How was she going to explain this to him? He had already been asking for daddy since he woke from his nap.

"We're ready to take off Ms. Buchanan if you are ready."

"Yes, thank you." She wouldn't be able to breathe until they were in the air. She half expected John to burst thru the doors any minute but, she knew he wouldn't.

_"John the most important thing is, I need to know that you would fight for me."_

_"You don't know that?" _

Just like he wouldn't follow them to London, despite what he said and he wouldn't fight for her. Leaning back and closing her eyes, Natalie let sleep take her, it had been a long day.


	5. Chapter 5

By they time John got home it was close to mid night. Everything was just as it had been. Their lunch on the coffee table, his beer, her water…he cleaned up the mess and headed upstairs and froze at the door of their bedroom. How was he going to sleep in this bed without her?

He remembered the time just after the Statesville prison riot and she found out that Christian was still alive and he had lied to her about it. It took him weeks to get used to sleeping in that bed with out her. He had gotten so used to her being pressed up against him. He always teased her about being a 'bed hog' but, he didn't mind really. He liked to feel her wrapped around him as they slept. "Damn it!" he growled. Stripping off his clothes he jumped into the shower, hoping it would relax him. He was exhausted but, he doubted he would get any sleep tonight.

The next few weeks were horrible, John barely slept, called every day only to get one of her brothers or sister-in-laws and they gave excuses to why Natalie couldn't come to the phone. It said a lot when Kelly was making excuses for her, there was no love lost there between them he knew. He got to talk to Liam every time he asked for him though. And it broke his heart every time his precious boy asked John when they were coming home.

"I don't really know buddy but, I can't wait to see you and I miss you so much. Don't forget how much I love you."

"Bye-bye!" Liam yelled, he didn't quiet get that he didn't have to talk so loud on the phone. John could hear rustling in the background as someone took the phone from Liam.

"Hey John, how are you?" Gigi asked. While there was no loved lost between Rex and himself, Gigi had always been a good friend to him and she was there for Natalie, she had said, when she needed a friend he knew.

"Hey Gigi, how's London?"

"It's great, Shane is really blossoming here, of course he would hate it if he knew I used that term to describe him" she laughed.

"I bet", John replied. "Hey, how is she. Really?"

"She's hurt John, she is so sad. I've never seen her like this before. What are you doing to fix this? Do you want to fix this?" she asked him.

"Of course I want to fix this but, she has to let me and she needs to come home and we need to work through this together. What am I supposed to do with her thousand of miles away, with my son? Did she tell you she took my passport?"

"She did, you could always get another one. Promise me that you won't let this go on too long John, you don't know what you could be missing out on." She relied cryptically.

"What do you mean? What am I missing out on?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh well, you know…besides your son growing up, they change so quickly, every day, you just…there are things you shouldn't miss out on." She stumbled around.

"And…and, you know Natalie…you guys need to work this out and the longer you take, you know…"

"Yeah", John wondered at her rambling but, really just chalked it up to her spending too much time with Balsom.

Natalie spent her time in London sightseeing and shopping with Liam, and whoever was free to hang out with them each afternoon, and spending the evenings with her family. She had been to London before but, it was fun to take Liam around. He seemed to enjoy the zoo, the aquarium and the London Eye the most. While she knew he was too young to remember any of it later, it passed the time and kept her mind off of John and the fact that she really needed to go home.

He didn't know she was pregnant and she knew it would be better to tell him in person. She wondered at their ability to work things out. Feeling like she had failed both her children. This pregnancy was so much different than with Liam. She was hardly sick, hardly had any cravings but, she seemed to recognize she was very down, maybe a little depressed even. This wouldn't normally be surprising for someone in her situation but, Natalie had never, ever been depressed. Sad? Sure, down? Definitely but, depressed? Never.

She was a fighter; she knew that so what was her problem? She just tried everyday to shake it off.

It was three weeks later that he finally got her on the phone. His anger at her leaving had just turned in to desperate sadness.

"When are you coming home?" he asked.

"I'm not sure", she said, "it's peaceful here and Liam seems to like it."

"He's a year and a half, what…did he tell you that?"

"John", she groaned.

"No, you need to come home. This has gone on long enough, I need you and I need him here." His voice starting to raise, realizing he might upset her and if so she might hang up he lowered his voice and said, "My world begins and ends with you sweetheart, please….I can't eat, I can't sleep….Bo is threatening to fire me if I don't start to focus. Come home." He whispered.

"John, I'm not sure we are good for each other. Looking back at us…it's like we go out of our way to hurt each other. I don't think we mean it, I really don't I think…we just…we forget we love each other sometimes. I don't want to live that way; I'm scared that nothing is ever going to change. We just keep repeating the same mistakes, when are we going to learn from them?" She asked, trying so hard to keep it together. She didn't plan on saying all of this now but, there was no avoiding this conversation anymore.

"What are you saying?" he asked, his heart breaking, praying she wasn't saying what he was hearing.

"I'm not sure I am ever coming home, I love you but, I think-"

"No", he interrupted, "no, you can't stay there with my son. You can't, I won't let you. I missed out of eight months of his life before, I just got him back. You can't do this to me….I understand you are angry at me right now and you have every right to be but, if you insist on staying there I'll….."

"You'll what John? Fight a Buchanan in court? Buchanan Enterprises has the best lawyers, do you really think you'll win?" she said flatly not trying to escalate the argument but trying to get her point across.

"Are you saying I can't? Are you saying I don't deserve to see my son? We both grew up with out a father would you really do that to him? HE doesn't deserve that, you can't take him from me, if you stay there I will fight you." He said and promptly hung up. The first time he'd spoken to her in weeks and he hung up on her.

"Damn it!" He needed a drink, grabbing his keys he headed out the door only to be stopped by his boss.

So he would fight her but, not fight FOR her. Somehow even though in her heart she knew he wouldn't, she couldn't help hoping he would come knocking on the Rex's door and sweeping her off her feet.

But, he never came. He called and talked to Liam practically every day and yeah, he usually asked to talk to her but, a simple she was busy was enough to get him off the phone. She rubbed her slightly rounded belly, he still didn't know. She had to tell him, he had a right to know but, when it came time to say the words they wouldn't come.

She was a few days over four months now, one of these days she was going to pop out and there would be no hiding it. Gigi knew, and her mom but, pretty soon everyone would know and then what was she going to do. He would demand she come home, he was a wonderful father but, they could never seem to get their shit together as couple. Was he with that woman? She wondered, maybe he just wanted her home so he could take Liam from her and raise him with that cow. Would he do that?

God these hormones were making her irrational. Even knowing that, it didn't stop these thoughts from running through her head. Maybe it was time to find out who this woman is and what they were doing together now that she was out of the picture. Rex would help her but, she would have to tell him the truth about what was going on and hopefully between her and Gigi, they could stop Rex from killing John.


	6. Chapter 6

"What's up Bo?"

"You tell me", Bo looked at him," do you wanna tell me why my best forensic tech has just requested another two weeks leave, why you look like you haven't slept or eaten in days and you know what….you don't smell so good my friend."

Not getting answer Bo plowed on, "Look, I know that when you and Natalie got back together and engaged we decided that it would be best for me not to talk to you about her and her you when it came to work but, we are now into personal territory here and I wanna know what is going on."

John turned and walked back to his desk and sat down but, still didn't give an answer, not really knowing where to start.

"I know she is in London with Liam and staying with Rex, why don't you tell me why."

"Ok, look, I….screwed up and she left me and I can't get her to come home. I just got off the phone with her and she said she isn't sure she is ever coming back."

"Not good John", Bo said sternly, "what are you going to do about it?"

"What can I do, if she refuses to come back? I told her she couldn't take my son away from me but, she countered with the fact that I would be fighting a Buchanan in court and she's right, I can't afford that." John sighed deeply, this was such a mess.

"Must have been pretty serious for her to leave the country."

"Uhm…well, yeah…I mean…" John started; he respected Bo and hated the thought of Bo thinking less of him. "I kissed another woman while I was in Port Charles….and didn't tell her about it right away. She found out when that asshole Manning sent her a picture of it. I was going to tell her, I was…I just was waiting until the right time." John stood up and turned to look out the window behind his desk, he couldn't even look Bo in the eye right now.

"And what does that mean for you John?" Bo asked.

"Nothing, it meant nothing, it was a mistake, a horrible mistake that's all it was. I promise you Bo, I love Natalie and I want our life together."

"Well, I'll ask you again...what are you going to do about it?"

"Leave her alone, I guess. That's what she said she wants. I just...I want her to come home and I want to see my son." John replied sadly.

"Huh, well it seems to me you have two options...you give up or you go fight for her." Bo said.

John rubbed a hand over his face and back through his hair.

"Listen John, I know about mistakes, hell I've made some pretty good one's in my time and I understand how things can happen but, you know Natalie and if you let this fester too long…."

"I don't think she wants us anymore", he said dejectedly. "You know, look how many times we've tried this and it just ends up falling apart. Maybe we just aren't right for each other. I mean, we fight all the time, we have these trust issues...maybe we are better off apart." John sighed. He didn't realize it would hurt so much to say out loud.

"I know that every time you've gotten together one of you has done something to hurt the other and instead of working it out, you let her walk away. After Statesville, after your accident, after the truth came out about Brody….Maybe if you'd both stop acting like children you could actually make a go of it. Either way fix it, I need you both here and present in your jobs. And on a personal note, she's my niece and I love her as if she was my own, we've always been close. And I consider you a good friend and I hate to see you both suffering."

Bo turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him. John sat staring at door, loosing track of time, lost in his thoughts.

Natalie was a little over four months, and she knew she wouldn't be able to hide it much longer. Rex and Kevin had figured it out, it was only a matter of time before someone said something out of turn and it got back to John. She had to tell him, soon.

He still called everyday and talked to Liam, so far she had avoided having to talk to him again but, Liam missed his daddy. That was painfully obvious, he started crying out in the middle of the night for John, acting out more than before and saying he only wanted daddy to make it better. He had moments he was practically inconsolable with want of his father. She couldn't put it off any longer, it was time to go home and face John. Hoping he could find a way to forgive her.

"Thanks Brady, I'll see you soon." John hung up the phone and headed to Bo's office. He knew that Bo wasn't going to be happy. He hadn't been back fully all that long after the last time he helped his buddy out.

Asking for more time especially with Natalie on leave as well was going to put a strain on the department he knew but, he couldn't say no. The FBI had been building this case against Corinthos for years and this was a great opportunity to take him down. They just wanted a little extra help setting Corinthos up.

"Hey Bo, you got a minute?" he asked. Stepping in and closing the door behind him John placed his hands on his hips.

"Yup, come on in", Bo replied taking in John's appearance, while he seemed to be taking better care of himself, Bo could tell he still wasn't eating or sleeping much.

"I just got off the phone with my buddy Matt Brady from the FBI; they think they've got a break in the Corinthos case and wanted to see if I could head back up to Port Charles and do some set up so they could take him down." John looked Bo in the eye, seeing disappointment there.

"So, what are you sayin McBain?" Bo asked even though he already knew where this was going.

"I'd like to take a week or so and help them out, would you be ok with that?"

Bo sighed deeply, "I'm not gonna lie I was hoping you were coming in here to tell me you were headed to London." Bo rubbed a hand over his eyes. He loved both of these stubborn fools but, understood how misunderstandings and hurtful words – meant or not – could derail a relationship.

"Bo, we've been over this, she won't talk to me." John sighed. He had tried, he really had.

"I'd really rather you'd stay here but, I guess...it'll have to be unpaid, you're out of time. Make sure Fish and Davis are up to speed on anything you're working on, it takes both of them to cover for you." Bo said turning back to the stack of paperwork on his desk. Clearly dismissed, John closed the door behind him.

As John left the station that afternoon, he had to make another stop. He figured he needed someone to take charge of Rodi's while he was gone. Roxy had been helping him out with Natalie being out of town but, she couldn't do it all on her own, he'd be lucky to have any alcohol left when he got back.

Density Evans had been working for him during the week since she graduated last May. He knew she could use the extra money plus she could handle Roxy. Her and Matthew had been doing a great job being 'parents that were not a couple' to their little boy. They seemed to get along fairly well and even though John could see that she had stronger feeling for Matthew than he had for her, they some how made it work. Baring any problems he could be on the road before five o'clock and on his way back to Port Charles.


	7. Chapter 7

"Just stay here. There is no reason for you to go back there!" Rex was furious, Natalie had finally come clean with him about what McBain pulled on his sister and he wasn't going to let her go running back to him.

"Rex, listen, Liam misses his father and I have to tell John about this baby, I've kept it from him for too long. I HAVE to tell him. We have to stop keeping things from each other. That's how things always get messed up. If I don't tell him this makes me a hypocrite." she tried to reason with him.

"No cuz, he will suck you back in, you two are like magnets to each other." Rex used over exaggerated hand movements to get his point across.

"We have a lot to work out before everything is forgiven, on both our parts. If we can even get that far" she said sadly. After all of this time apart, her anger had dissipated a lot. She was still angry but, as her hormones started to level out with this baby, so did her emotions and she felt like she was finally thinking clearly.

"What did you ever find out about that woman's identity? I thought you were good at what you did" she smirked at her brother.

"I got a guy on it. My information should all be in this afternoon." He was stalling; he knew exactly who that woman was and who she was married to. He just didn't know how to tell Natalie.

"Well, I need it before I leave, I need to know who she is." she said softly staring out the window.

"Why? What good will it do for you to know that?" Rex came up behind her, put a hand on her shoulder trying to comfort her.

"I just do, I need to know what this was all about. And how to handle this when I get back." Then she mumbled, "I need to know if he is still seeing her."

Rex sighed this was going to suck.

"Ok come sit down over here", he said. After she sat down he handed her a folder.

"Where you lying to me? How long have you had this info?" She pinched his arm.

"Ow, damn watch the talons woman!"

After she sat down, he reluctantly handed her a folder. Pausing before she opened it and bracing herself to see clearly the face of the woman who was kissing John.

"Ok, let's see. Samantha Morgan..." As Natalie read through the file, Rex could almost pin point the four facts she would ask about...

"She's MARRIED?!" Yup, that was number one.

"To a hired hit man! What the fuck was John thinking?" Ok, that was number two.

"A PI, huh..." yeah, number 3, that one surprised him too.

"She's just lost a baby." she said softly, and that was it.

"Don't go all feeling sorry for her now, she is the enemy here."

"I feel sorry for anyone that's lost a child Rex, no one deserves that. But, that doesn't mean she can go around making her sorrows go away with anyone she chooses. I wonder what her husband thinks of all of this."

Natalie sunk back against the couch, rubbing her belly absent mindedly.

"Well, they are still together, her and the husband, seems they were having problems for a while and he had his own...uhm...indiscretions, they seemed to have worked out their issues", Rex said as he flipped through the pages.

"John and I weren't having any problems...well, that I knew of anyway", she mumbled. She felt the fluttering of her baby, the baby John knew nothing about.

"I have to go home Rex, no matter what happens between John and I…I have to tell him about this baby, and I have to do it in person. I was wrong to leave and take Liam away; especially after I told him I wouldn't do it. I've just made this mess so much bigger."

She jumped up to start making arrangements. She had to pack, and try to get a flight out. Rex convinced her to wait for the jet to get back over to London so it could take her home. He father was on his way to help Kevin with some Buchanan business. She then called her father to see exactly when he was to arrive.

"Darlin' I want to see you and I want to see my grandson, just sit tight, I'll be there in a couple days, we can have a visit and we can travel back together." He said.

"Dad, I really…I need to get home, I need to talk to John."

"Honey, a couple more days aren't going to hurt John McBain trust me, he's fine."

"What do you mean, he's fine? You didn't go see him did you?" Hoping her father didn't make things worse for her. Clint knew they had had a fight but, not what about.

"No, I haven't seen him at all but, it isn't going to hurt him to be alone for a while longer. I wish you'd tell me what this was all about."

"It's between us, dad, we have to work this out ourselves." She said goodbye and hung up. That bad feeling was creeping up her spine again.

A few weeks later, John walked in to Kelly's. He was in desperate need of coffee. He missed Natalie's coffee, she made the best. He was sure the guys at the station missed it too. She always acted like it bothered her that no one else made any or that they would wait for her to come in in the mornings to make it but, he knew she secretly like it. It made her feel accepted. He had been here longer than he thought he would be, and Brady had finally gotten what he needed. He was finally on his way home this morning. After ordering and paying for his coffee he turned around and bumped into someone.

"Excuse me, I'm...sorry", he said as a slow grin spread over his face.

"John McBain, I didn't expect to see you around here again", Samantha said, her

own smile gracing her lips.

"What can I say, I missed the scenery", he replied, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Well, are you rushing off or do you have a minute to catch up?" she asked.

"No, yeah, let's sit." he grabbed a table away from the front while she placed her order. He found out that she and her husband were expecting again.

"That is so great, I'm really happy for you." he told her.

"Yeah, thanks, how 'bout you? How's your little boy and how is Natalie?" she asked. He chuckled and looked away.

"Oh no, what happened?" she asked laying her hand over his and giving it a squeeze.

"Ah, well, I haven't seen either of them since that day in August. Uhm, Natalie left town and took Liam to her family's place in London. I talk to Liam every day but, it's been a while since I've spoken to Natalie. I'm not sure she's coming home."

He looked up at her and squeezed her hand back.

At that moment Todd Manning didn't think his life could get much better. He had wandered into Kelly's this morning and right into the best thing he could have ever asked for. Christmas came early. Snapping a picture with his phone, he stepped back out.

"Well John, you just can't help yourself can you?" he said to himself. Won't Natalie love this? Skipping the coffee, Todd headed back to his office. He knew Viki was going to be pissed at him. Hell, he couldn't blame her but, John McBain deserves everything he has coming to him over this.

"Sorry Vik", Todd mumbled as he tried to decide the best way to use this information.

"Hey honey, your dad said you were coming home", Bo had talked to his brother over the phone this morning and Clint and said that he was in London to help with some business and to bring her and Liam home.

"Yeah, it's time and John and I have a lot to talk over."

She knew when he found out about the baby, he was going to be devastated and she couldn't put it off any longer. She was showing some, an obvious baby bump. They had a huge family dinner last night; to say good bye and she came clean to everyone. Tina and Kelly seemed happy for her, even though there was no love lost between the three women. And her brothers and her father were not happy,

Cord being the only brother that had only met John in passing years ago when John saved Cord's daughter Sarah's life, made the mistake of asking what Clint, Joey, Kevin and Rex had against John so what should have been a lovely dinner ended up a 'let's bash John' night.

She tried to get the to stop in front of Liam but, thankfully, Kelly and Gigi had Zane and Shane take the little boy into another room and play with him to get him out of ear shot. "Well honey, sounds like you've figured some things out."

"Mmmm...Not really, I just need to talk to John. I just hope he can forgive me…for…some stuff. Listen Uncle Bo, John's not at his desk, and he's not answering his cell, do you know where he is?" She asked hoping there wasn't some huge case that he will need to focus on for a few days.

"Uhm...well, he didn't say anything to you."

"About what?"

Damn it John, Bo thought, steeling himself he jumped in, "John is...out of town at the moment."

"Oh, yeah, well he didn't say anything but, maybe that was something he didn't want to tell Liam. Is he on a case?" She asked hoping he wouldn't be long.

"Uhm, honey, John has been in Port Charles for the last few days finishing up on that case for that friend of his from the FBI."

"He's in Port Charles?" her stomach sank.

"Yeah but, he should be back soon, I don't know all the details but, he seemed to think it would be over soon."

"How long has he been gone?"

"Well, he'll be back to the station on Monday, that'll be two weeks…"

"Two weeks…..yeah ok…yeah so, I'll see him when I get back, uhm...so thanks and I will talk to you soon, I love you." He'd called Liam every night and never said anything.

"I love you too honey, have a safe trip."


	8. Chapter 8

Natalie leaned against the wall in her room at Rex's. All those thoughts and doubts she'd had finally manage to stop running through her head constantly were back with a vengeance. Was he really back there for this 'case', where was he, who was he with, was he with her, were they together right now….

"Shit!" And here came the tears, at her last doctor's appointment, her doctor here in London had told her she had to keep her stress levels down, her blood pressure was getting a little high and while it was nothing to be alarmed about now, she needed to relax and keep stress to a minimum. In many ways this pregnancy had been easier than with Liam.

She hardly had any morning sickness at all which is why she was three months long before she found out in August. She didn't really have any food aversions or scents that turned her stomach but, she had all of this stress and she seemed to cry all the time.

"What's wrong?" Gigi asked coming into the room and Natalie had been sharing with Liam.

"John's back in Port Charles", she said evenly.

"That doesn't mean he is with that woman, didn't Rex say that this chick and her hit-man hubby got back together?"

"Yup, he did but…" Natalie closed her eyes as the tears, started to fall.

"No, no buts", Gigi said softly, "Natalie, John loves you. You, not anyone else. You need to remember that. You haven't heard his voice on the phone…"

"He never came here to see us. Do you know how ridiculously easy it is to get a passport?" she said, "I mean yeah, the day I left I took his with me but….I don't know why I did that. Part of me thought he would get another one and come and get us you know. But, at the same time, there has always been a bigger part of me that knew he wouldn't."

"Natalie…"

"I can still see them you know, in the picture, and….my mind brings it to life. I just-" getting cut off from her comment was the text alert on her phone.

It was from a number she didn't know. Her heart sped up wondering who it could be she opened up the message. She slumped against the wall and started sobbing, unable to look away from her phone.

"Natalie, what is it?" Gigi asked.

Natalie's head was swimming and the room was spinning. She felt like she might vomit and pass out at the same time.

"REX! REX COME QUICK!" Gigi screamed, trying to pry the phone away from

Natalie as she slumped to the floor unable to keep herself up anymore.

She was seeing spots in front of her eyes and everything was so fuzzy. The last thing she remembered was Rex running into the room and talking to her, she couldn't respond and she fell over hitting her head on the hardwood as she passed out.

It had been one full week that he had been back to work. Bo had told him when he got back that Natalie was supposed to have been back in town this past Monday but, she had wanted a week to get settle back in Llanview except, she hadn't come back.

Bo said all he was told was that she had gotten a bug and couldn't fly just yet. He called Rex's to be told the same thing and all Liam knew was that 'mommy was sick and in bed and couldn't play'. He was worried about her being that ill. He hoped he would get a chance to talk to her tonight when he called. As he made his way to the squad room, he saw a familiar face loitering around Bo's assistant Gail's desk.

"Can I help you with something Manning?" John asked, hoping the jerk would drop off the face of the earth. Todd just smiled at him and said nothing.

"Is someone helping this asshole?" John asked Gail. When she confirmed that yes, in fact someone was taking care of his issue, John turned to leave.

"Have any good coffee lately McBain?"

"What?"

"Coffee, can you get good coffee around here?" When John just stared at him Todd continued with, "you know who has good coffee….Kelly's…you know, in Port Charles."

"Yeah, I've been there", was all John said as he headed back to his office to pack it in for the night. He wondered what all that was about. Nothing Manning ever did made sense. John wondered not for the first time how he and Mrs. Banks could be related. It was a shame a woman like her had to put up with a jerk like that for a brother.

"Natalie", Kelly said softly, "John is on the phone and asking for you. Don't you think you should talk to him?"

"I really don't want to", she replied sadly.

Kelly had actually been really great these last few weeks. After Natalie got out of the hospital, she needed to be supervised, she felt like a child but, the doctors had said if her blood pressure spiked again to the numbers it was when she was first brought in with she could have a stroke. She spent most of her days at the Buchanan mansion being babysat by any family member that was free at the moment.

The only good that came of it was that she got to have some great conversations with her brothers all individually and getting to know Cord better was great. She was on bed rest. Not total and complete bed rest but, she needed to be off her feet with them up as much as possible. So when she wasn't in bed she lazed around on the couch of either the mansion or Rex's house.

"Ok", she said as Kelly brought her the phone. Hating the fact that Kelly and John obviously spoke to each other on the phone. Kelly was with Joey now but, there was a time when Kelly and John were fuck buddies, and that still rubbed Natalie the wrong way.

"Hey", she said softly as if afraid to speak too loudly.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked, "Uhm, Liam's good yeah?"

"Yeah, he's good. He misses you."

"Yeah, well, I miss him too." John said speaking just as softly. "I need him Natalie. I'm so lonely with out you both."

As if flipping a switch, her anger flared back full force. "Really?" she said, "I think you're doing just fine without me."

"What are you-"

"Look John, I've made a decision, I will be staying in London. It's been really great to be with my brothers and Cord and Kevin said they could find something for me at Buchanan Enterprises and dad agrees." She spoke quickly, before he could even respond. "There are some really great preschools here and…."

"What?"

"….I was thinking about getting my own place. You let me know what you decide to do with the house, you're welcome to keep it or you can sell it, it doesn't matter…."

"Wait…"

"….but, there are a few things I want. Pictures of Liam when he was a small baby, some jewelry from my mom. I can send someone over for them so you don't have to be bothered…."

"WAIT, Stop! Natalie...it's been over two months, why will you still not talk to me about this? It's ridiculous, and completely not like you to avoid confrontation like this. I'm not selling the house, I'm not moving out of it, I'm not going away and I am not going to stop asking you to come home. I love you...Do you NOT love me anymore? Is that what this is? Because of one stupid kiss that meant nothing you're going to throw away our future and rip our son away from me without even talking about it? With all the shit we've been through over the years...Lawrence, Haver, Barber all that crap with Vickers and Truman...we've forgiven each other for worse than this...all that crap with Brody and Kelly and Marty's miscarriage..."

"But, it wasn't just one stupid kiss was it John? You've seen her haven't you? You've been with her right? Are you going to tell me that isn't true?" Natalie said, taking a deep breath, the tears were coming quickly and hoping she could keep her voice down otherwise this room would be crawling with Buchanan men the second they heard her.

John's mind was spinning, damn it, Balsom was a private investigator, was she having Rex follow him.

"Are you having me followed?" he asked.

"No", she laughed a laugh completely devoid of humor, "it's funny that you would ask me that though, no, someone is looking out for you or maybe it's me they are looking out for?" She said sadly, hung up and immediately forwarded the texted picture of him and that woman she'd received.

Natalie turned off her phone and laid down on the couch, tears stinging her eyes, she closed them and tried to slow down her breathing, willing herself to take a nap or at least, she prayed for the fact that she could fake it good enough so anyone who came in to check on her would leave her alone. Her baby kicked, and Natalie rubbed a hand over her belly, "It's ok baby, it'll be ok", she whispered then cried herself to sleep.

John sat staring at the picture of himself and Samantha Morgan having coffee a week or so ago at Kelly's. He knew it wasn't Balsom that took it, it was Manning.

"Fuck!" John ground out. He sat back on the couch and got lost in his head, out of ideas. He'd lost his family, he'd lost everything. It took him so long to be able to open up to her, this time around he'd promised to be more open with his feelings and he had, he poured his heart out to her. Begged her to come home and still she would budge. That was that. He never deserved her anyway. He always knew that. Getting up and going into the kitchen and grabbing the bottle of Jack he had stashed in the cabinet above the refrigerator. John sat back down to enjoy his drink and hopefully if he was lucky he'd pass out.


	9. Chapter 9

He could hear it but, he didn't know what it was. That annoying sound. His eye's snapped open.

"What the hell..." Then it stopped, blessed silence. There it was again.

"Shit!" Damn, it was his phone. Not bothering to open his eyes this time, "McBain" he growled.

"Johnny, man what the hell are you doing?"

"Mike?"

"Yeah man what the hell?"

"That's what I should be asking you, why the hell are you calling so late?"

"Uh...it's noon Johnny."

John rolled over, he was on his couch, grunting as he was trying to sit up he kicked the bottle of jack that he'd opened and somehow that multiplied, how the hell did that happen?

"John, you there man?"

"Yeah, no need to yell." Of course, Michael was talking loudly on purpose.

"Not yellin bro, you awake now?" Michael asked amused.

"Well, we're talking aren't we", John replied, oh God did his head hurt, he still wasn't able to open his eyes.

"Great, let me in then." Mike said then hung up.

It took a minute or two but, John was able to make it to the door, practically crawling along the furniture, he undid the lock and walk or crawled his way back to the couch.

"Johnny, what are you doin buddy?"

"Well", John replied, "I think I might be dying actually."

Michael looked around John and Natalie's house. The nice house was trashed. A pillow and blanket on the couch, a few beers bottles and take out trash everywhere. Taking a step toward the couch to sit he kicked an empty bottle of jack and it flew across the floor and skidded to a stop in front of the fireplace. Michael looked at John and raised an eyebrow.

"Not funny there big guy, seriously what are you doing-"

"It's called drinking Mike, ok, I'm trying to forget how shit my life is." John was sitting on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands.

He looked up confused, "what are you doing here Mike?"

"I've received several interesting phone calls in the last forty-eight hours, big brother and after the last one I decided I need to come and see you for myself."

"Phone calls from who?" John asked, trying to figure out who would have called Mike. Had Natalie been worried about him?

"Well Roxy for one...she told me about Natalie. John what the hell are you doing?"

"She left me Mike, not the other way around. You should be asking her that."

"Ok, then why are you here?"

"What? I don't...my head hurts too much for this right now, say it bluntly and get out." John still with his head in his hands, hadn't moved a muscle.

"Get your ass to London and get her."

"She said it was over Mike."

"John, you've known Natalie for…what….almost ten years, what does she want from you."

"You're gonna have to tell me Mike, because I have no clue." John got up and wandered into the kitchen grabbing a water and a bottle of aspirin.

"What has she always wanted from you John?" John shook his head.

"To prove how much you love her, that's it. You spent so much time in the beginning of your relationship denying you had any feelings, then you had to shove them down when Christian came back, you struggled with them while you were trying to nail Truman and when you finally told her you loved her, you freaked out and shoved her out of your life."

_"John, the most important thing is that...I need to know that you'd fight for me"_

_"You don't know that?"_

John remembered the day she'd said that, he thought she was crazy. He knew there was a time he didn't want to admit how much he cared about her but, she'd asked him to stay away after Chris came back, then it was her idea to break up after the accident. He thought he was giving her what she wanted then.

"And what if she still doesn't want me...you don't...you don't know what I did Mike."

"Actually, I do. Rex called and filled me in. What the hell were thinking man? I can't even begin to imagine why you'd do something like that. Is that over? I mean it WAS a one time thing, right?"

"Yes! Yes of course, it didn't mean anything." John turned to face Michael.

"Well I don't know if that actually makes it better or not." Michael mumbled, John just looked at him confused.

"Well, kinda makes you look fickle." Michael made a face.

"Anyways", he continued, "Rex is worried about her. I guess she's been a little under the weather or something?"

"Yeah, I know she got sick the day they were supposed to come home but, the doctor said she couldn't fly. Kelly and Gigi both said it wasn't serious." John sighed as he sat back down on the couch.

"I don't know any more of than what he told me, she was sick and he thought the only thing that could help was you. Get your ass to London, kneel down at her feet and beg that woman to take you back. It might help to shout how much you love her from a roof top or two."

John was shocked, was that what she wanted? For him to go there, it couldn't be that simple. It wasn't.

"But, she took my passport when she left", he said, he shook his head; "If she wanted me to follow her she wouldn't have done that." John headed for the stairs, he needed to shower, he could smell himself.

"Seriously Johnny", Michael said following him up the stairs, "are you telling me you can't go get another passport? Natalie feels like she's backed into a corner...what does she always do when she is backed into a corner?"

John stopped just inside the bedroom. "She starts swinging at anything that moves…damn it." John said running a hand over his face. Had he seriously wasted three months? It didn't matter, if he could get her back he we go to the ends of the earth.

"It takes anywhere from a month to six weeks to get one though. Even if I have it expedited, it could still take something like three weeks."

"Well, don't you think you'd better get on it then, what the hell are you waiting for?" Thank God for his brother and the kick in the ass Mike gave him.

Mike turned to leave, "Oh and John, clean up a bit, you reek man."

"Hey Mike, thanks, how long are you here for?" John asked following him back down stairs and to the door.

"I'm not, Marcie and the kids are at Mom's, I took the train down to come talk to you. Mom is pretty worried about you, too by the way. Call her. Look, John you and Natalie belong together but, the two of you...you're going to have to work at it if you want it. You love hard and you fight hard, just make sure you try hard too."

John applied for another passport but, was told what he already knew, even expedited, he'd have to wait about three weeks before he got it. This wasn't considered an emergency. He'd just have to wait. That would mean not getting it until November. He was going to miss Liam's second Halloween. He'd missed his first one too.

John knew Liam was a walrus last year, he'd seen the pictures, the one's with Brody instead of himself in them...with his son. He decided he just needed to focus on getting to London as soon as he could and getting his family back. Time to have yet another conversation with Bo. At least Bo should be happy about this time off, John thought as he knocked on the door.

"Come in", Bo said. Taking a deep breath John opened the door.

"John", Bo said, "What can I do for you?"

"I need to go get her boss." John faced Bo with his hands on his hips.

"Yup, you do, when do you leave?" Bo asked just like that, barely looking up.

"Just waiting on my passport."

"Get with Fish and Davis...give me a heads up before you head out."

"That easy?" John asked, he had anticipated a least some conversation about him leaving again, he's taken so much time off since February.

"That easy...John, I love my niece, I want her home and I want her happy."

"Bo, I promise you, I intend to bring her home and I intend to make sure she is happy for the rest of her life." John declared.

"Glad to here it Lieutenant" Bo smiled at John as his chief of detective walked out of his office.

Three weeks later, found Natalie still on bed rest and with the "hover squad" as she's started to call them still, well hovering. She found herself questioning her decisions for what must be the millionth time. She was miserable, her doctor, or consultant as they were called here, said it was common for women on bed rest to feel some what depressed but, this was worse than a little depressed.

The baby was healthy, and at her last visit the doctor asked if she wanted to know the sex but, she didn't feel right finding out without John. Besides, she felt as though it was a girl. She rubbed her belly absentmindedly. Liam seemed so down, she was very limited on what they could do together however, and she knew his main problem was that he missed John.

John called every day, and there were times they couldn't calm Liam after his phone calls. Her little boy just wanted to go home. She couldn't travel and what was she going to do when John found out. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn't be able to forgive her. She couldn't blame him. She honestly didn't mean to keep it from him, things spun out of control so fast and time just got away from her and she wanted to tell him in person and now that was impossible. She had to tell him tonight. Over the phone. She had no choice.

"Hey Gig, tonight when John calls, will you let me know? I need to talk to him." She said softly.

"Of course, you gonna tell him?" Gigi asked cautiously.

"Yeah, oh...he is going to be so mad. I guess it's a good thing Kelly is here huh?" Natalie said trying to lighten the mood, while willing the tears stinging the backs of her eyes away.

Gigi didn't laugh, "Yeah he is...I'm just glad I don't have to be the one to clean up Rodi's after."

"I know, I'm sorry", Natalie said, even though she knew she deserved it, it still stung. "When is Jess supposed to be here?"

Natalie thought it was best to change the subject. Jessica was another person she wasn't looking forward to telling her news to. Jessica had left Llanview not long after Robert Ford's funeral. Needing to get away, she had come to London for a while and found it wasn't for her. She decided to visit the ranch in Texas and it was very much what she was looking for. Even though her stay there was supposed to be temporary, Natalie knew that Jessica was looking for a job there with some of the local papers in that area.

Natalie had to admit that she kinda wished she had headed to Texas as well. England was beautiful but, she didn't really feel at home here. This was ironic as she was stuck in London for the foreseeable future. The baby kicked as though agreeing it didn't like it much here either. She smiled and lovingly stroked her belly, it was comforting knowing her baby was safe in there, there is so much hurt in the world she thought.

Halloween was last week, Liam's second. He missed his second one with John. Liam was too young to understand but, she knew how it hurt John to see the pictures of Liam's first time dressed up for the holiday. Because they were of Liam and Brody. She hated the thought of it. John was missing this pregnancy too because of her; she didn't want to think of him missing anymore. Thanksgiving was coming and then Christmas, she had to fix this.

"She should be here in time for supper. I'll make sure someone brings you the phone as soon as John calls." Gigi smiled slightly as she left Natalie in the library in the mansion.

She, Rex and Shane had taken to staying there so they could all help care for Natalie and provide entertainment for Liam. Gigi did not envy Natalie position but, she hoped they could work everything out. Both John and Natalie were stubborn beyond belief. She believed they loved each other enough to make it work if they wanted it to.


	10. Chapter 10

"Natalie, none of this is right. I mean, I know you were mad but...how could you let it get this far", Jessica said, not unkindly but, certainly bewildered.

"I don't know, it just happened and now, I have to tell him...tonight, I can't let this go on another day."

Jessica looked at her twin, she could see the anguish in her eyes, "No you can't", she said gently, "Life is too short for secrets and grudges."

"He was cheating on me Jess...was I not entitled to be mad about that?" Natalie said getting defensive.

"No honey, I'm not saying that at all. What was his excuse?"

"Oh well, he was drunk and lonely, how 'bout that."

"What else did he say?" Jessica asked.

"What do you mean, I just told." Natalie got up and walked to the window.

"Natalie, there has to be more to it than that." Jessica said following her, "And shouldn't you sit down?"

"I'm ok, I didn't give him the chance to say anything else, I just...bailed." Natalie stared out the window.

"Oh God Natalie..."

"I know, ok but, I wasn't thinking clearly." Natalie turned and walked back across the library.

Kelly walked in with Natalie's cell phone, "its John, I'm gonna take Liam up and start his bath for you." She smiled sympathetically at Natalie.

She had told everyone at dinner her plan to tell John tonight, reactions were mixed. The women, Jess, Gigi, Kelly & Tina, along with Cord supported her decision whole heartedly. Rex didn't really say much but, Clint, Kevin and Joey thought it was a mistake. It surprised her how much they thought she should just move to London permanently and forget all about John McBain. Jessica followed Kelly out.

"Hey", she said feeling so awkward.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked, he sounded distracted.

"Well, I thought maybe we could talk. Are you busy?"

"Yeah, actually, I am. Is this important or can it wait?"

"I thought you wanted to talk about things?" Natalie was hurt by his seemingly

uninterested tone.

"I do Natalie, I've wanted to talk to you for almost three months but, I've got a call I have to take. I'm working, you remember work don't you?" He said frustrated, he sighed changing his tone, "I do want to talk, I do but, they've just found a body at the docks. They think it might be Cutter Wentworth. I don't have any details yet. I've got a team headed out there now but, without you I need to get out there and make sure the scene is processed correctly. I didn't want to miss my chance to talk to Liam first though."

"Oh, yeah, I understand...ok maybe tomorrow then." Another damn day, she thought.

"Definitely, tomorrow...I promise", he said softly. The baby had been kicking constantly as though she knew Natalie was talking to her daddy.

"Goodnight, Natalie."

"John!"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful..."

"I will."

John didn't call the next night, the first one he'd missed since they'd left. So, she tried first thing the next morning and his cell went straight to voice mail. She called the station and was told he was out except no one could tell her where he was. She'd asked for Bo but, was told he was in a meeting with the mayor but, Gail, her uncle's assistant said she would tell him she called as soon as he returned.

Natalie sat in the window seat in her bedroom praying he was safe. Surely someone would have called if he'd been hurt. After deciding to head down for lunch and promptly being shown to the couch as Neville would bring her her lunch, Natalie heard the doorbell. Her father's lawyer was here again. Her father was changing his will he said, to include, Rex, Gigi, Shane, Ryder and Liam. She, Rex and Jess had to sign some papers the other day as the guardians of minor children. Rex was a great father, who would have thought, she laughed.

She thought of Bree and Ryder who didn't have fathers anymore. Nash and Ford would never know their children, and that was so sad. Hopefully John will call today. She can't let Liam or this baby grow up with out their father.

John had been through hell the last forty-eight hours. A security guard found the body of Cutter Wentworth down at the docks. All the evidence pointed to a drug deal gone bad. They finally had a suspect in custody, a local low life that was found with a weapon in his possession that matched the bullet in Wentworth's body. He missed calling Liam yesterday. He needed to make time to call him tonight he thought, as he looked at the clock.

"Damn it!" He swore, it was already after midnight in London. Setting the alarm on his phone, he decided when it went off he would drop everything and call him tomorrow. No matter what.

Sitting in his office, John hung up the phone. He had gotten his passport and his bags were packed, his flight was booked. There was a knock on his office door,

"Yeah", he hollered out. In walked, a man in a suit he'd never seen before.

"John McBain?" the man asked.

"Yeah, who are you?"

"You've been served", the man said and walked out. What the hell was this, he

wondered. As he opened the envelope, he couldn't believe what he was seeing, there is no way, he thought.

"Restraining Order?" he whispered out loud. At that moment, he saw Tea walking past his office.

"Tea, wait up!" He hollered to get her attention and hurried to his door to catch her.

"Hey John, what's up?" Tea asked as she came in and took the seat he offered with his hand as he shut the door.

Shoving the papers into her "Is this legit?"

He watched her closely, seeing the surprise on her face as she read through the paperwork.

"Uh, yes, yes this is….wow", she looked up at him. "I know I haven't seen you in a while, I've been so busy with the baby but, I wasn't aware you two where having any problems. What is this all about John?"

"Unbelievable." John mumbled rubbing a hand across his face.

"This is from Buchanan Enterprises….Clint couldn't have secured this on his own…John…Natalie signed this." Tea said gently, still completely shocked.

"Well, you know what, if she's that mad that she doesn't want to see me right now, that's fine but, Liam is my son, she can't just keep him from me." Standing and facing the window, John closed his eyes. He saw her again the way she looked that day.

_"You're Natalie?"_

_"Yeah, why?"_

She was mad and she had every right but, how could she do this?

"John, you and Natalie aren't married yet, it's not that simple. If his birth certificate wasn't altered to reflex you instead of Brody as his father, and paternity wasn't established yet, you won't automatically get custodial rights." Tea was still reading over the papers. He turned around quickly.

"We did, months ago. We had another paternity test ran in Harrisburg the week before we closed on the house. Just….to be sure, you know. The three of us went out of town to do it, we didn't tell anyone but, we still have his original birth certificate with my name, Brody never changed it. I don't know why but, he didn't." John said hopefully.

Tea sighed and smiled at him, "Then, they don't have a leg to stand on with this, and you don't pose a threat to her or Liam, unless there is something I don't know about?" She questioned and looked at him strangely.

"Tea, you know I have never and would never lay a hand on either of them." John couldn't believe she would even imply that.

"You know I had to ask…John, what is this all about."

"Are you going to help me fight this?" He asked her, knowing she would.

"Of course but, you have to tell me what is going on, what would drive Natalie to do something like this. You have to tell me the truth if I am going to be able to help you", she stood up and leaned over his desk. "Please tell me this has nothing to do with that woman in Port Charles."

John looked her in the eye, "I wish I could", he said flatly. Tea sighed deeply, and sat back down.

"This is just….doesn't seem like something Natalie would do. This just…isn't her style. Where is this coming from?"

"I don't know. Normally I would agree with you but, so much has happened in the last few months and it's like I don't know her anymore." John said sadly. "But, I hurt her….I've hurt her a lot actually over the years maybe…maybe she just decided she was going to hurt me back this time. I have to talk to her. I was on my way to see her…"

"No, no John you need to stay away until we figure this out and get a hearing date", Tea said knowing deep down John McBain would let a piece of paper stand in the way of him seeing his son.

Tea looked at him sadly, then her expression changed to determination.

"Let me call Dani real quick, she is watching the baby this afternoon. I'll let her know I will be a little late. We can work thru this." Tea felt for him but, damn it she tried to warn him to stay away from that woman.


	11. Chapter 11

John's head was spinning after talking to Tea about court dates and subpoenas and parental rights and custody laws….he dealt with this stuff all the time but, this time it applied to his own life. His flight was scheduled to leave in a couple of hours. Screw the restraining order, and screw the Buchanan lawyers

After informing Bo, who didn't think it was a good idea now for John to go and tried to talk him out of it, making sure Fish and Davis where up to speed, he had to make sure Destiny was ok to handle Rodi's without him and for her to keep and eye on Roxy, he was off to the airport.

He landed at Heathrow at 8pm London time. He set about finding directions to the Buchanan mansion. In the end, he found out the Buchanan's place was on something called 'Millionaire's Row' on The Bishops Avenue in East Finchley, and he found a taxi that would gladly take him there. Pulling up to the gates out front and looking up at this incredible...home? For lack of a better word, he wondered what in the world she was doing with him. She should be living in a place like this. She never deserved that crappy hotel room. She never deserved Rodi's and beer and burgers. Even though this type of place wasn't them, she deserved this and so much more. Steeling himself, not knowing what to expect he rang the bell.

While Natalie had said that a relative of Nigel's work at the Buchanan mansion in London, the resemblance was uncanny.

"I'm here to see Natalie, is she here?" John asked Neville.

"Miss Natalie is resting in the library..." Neville began but, was interrupted by Kevin.

"What do you want?" He demanded.

"Look, I understand why you'd upset to see me but, I'm here to see Natalie and Liam, this really has nothing to do with you", John said trying to keep the situation under control. He and Kevin have never been anywhere close to friends or friendly in any way actually.

"Natalie is my sister and you're not supposed to be here. I'm not going to let you come in here and upset her, you need to leave."

"What's going on? Kevin, what's with all the yelling", John could hear Kelly's voice coming down the stairs behind him so he turned to face her. Both Kelly and Gigi, he knew wanted he and Natalie to work things out, so if she could help defuse the situation he'd get her involved.

"Kelly. Gigi."

"John?" Gigi said confused but, glad to see him

"I'm here to see Natalie." He said quickly and definitely.

"Of course…"

"No", Kevin jumped in, "I don't want him anywhere near her. I'm not going to let him upset her. She needs to stay calm." Kevin said standing in his way.

"Well, it's not up to you is it?" Tina spoke up coming from another direction.

"Tina, just stay out of this..." Kevin started but, was interrupted by Rex, "what's all this...ah...McBain took you long enough."

"Balsom...where is she?"

"Oh well, its Buchanan now just so you know..."

"Whatever, someone tell me where Natalie is", John demanded, he'd just about had with all of this.

"She's in the library resting John, but, I know she'll want to see you", Jessica appeared over Rex's shoulder.

"No, John was just leaving." Said Kevin, "You know you can't be here!" Kevin said through his teeth.

"What are you talking about Kevin? You know she wants to see him, what is your problem?" Gigi asked.

He was blinded by anger, he wanted nothing more than to grab Kevin Buchanan by the collar and throw him against the wall.

"I don't give a fuck about the restraining order, call the cops I don't care I want to see Natalie and I want to see my son and I want to see them now", John demanded.

Everyone started talking at once and John couldn't focus on any one person or what they were saying.

"I want to see her now", he demanded again, "And I'm not leaving until I do, and your not keeping me away from my son." He hollered over top of everyone quieting them down.

"Wait, I will go check with her first", Joey said from Jessica's side.

"No Joe, don't…." Kevin started.

"What is wrong with you", Kelly whispered harshly to him, glaring at him like he'd lost his mind.

John stood awkwardly in the front entrance surrounded by Buchanan's. He's never seen so many gathered at once in once place. Even on holidays.

He looked toward Jess, "Where is Liam?"

"He is actually having dinner in the kitchen, I'll get him for you after you talk with Natalie", she said, "you know just in case...well, you know."

Yeah, John thought, in case this goes badly. Would she reject him? No, Jessica said she would want to see him. Didn't matter he wasn't leaving until she heard him out.

"Hey", Joe said entering the library.

"What is going on out there?" Natalie asked, "Who is fighting?" She wasn't expecting his next words.

"John's here."

"He is?" She practically gasped. Hope, relief, fear and apprehension all ran through her at once.

"Are you sure this is what you want to do? We'll protect you from him, you and Liam and your baby."

"I don't need protection from John, Joe. I just don't know how to tell him…."

"Well, he's ready to bust down the doors to get in here, you say the word and we'll have him escorted off the property."

"No, no...send him in." Joe looked at her hard. He could see she wouldn't change her mind.

He turned to leave, and Natalie, grabbed a throw pillow from the other end of the couch and hugged it to her chest. Between, the blanket tossed over her legs and the pillow, it would camouflage her belly for the time being, until she could get the words out.

Taking a deep breath, Natalie could feel her heart pounding harder as she waited for John to enter the room. She figured it was a combination of her nerves and her normal reaction to him when he was near. Her heart always beat a little harder when he walked into a room.

He wasn't sure what to expect when he opened the door but, to see her eyes light up and a small smile on her face wasn't it. It quickly faded as she saw the look on his and turned to one of confusion as he shut the door.

"Hi", she said softly, while she nervously played with the pillow in her hands,

"what are you…"

"I've had enough of this", he said angrily. He stood over her, with his hands on his hips trying to control his feelings.

"I –"

"No, I'm going to talk and you're going to listen." Natalie couldn't talk even if she wanted to, she knew he was angry with her, she was no stranger to that but, something was different this time.

"I don't understand how you could do this to me. You said you wouldn't keep me from my son. He was kept away from me for too long already and that's not right…."

"I know John, I'm sorry, I-"

"I'm taking him home, do you understand me? You can call the cops or you can come with me either way, we're leaving…" He hadn't planned out what to say to her and he was surprised by this declaration as much as she was.

"But John…I can't fly…." her eyes filled with tears, and her stomach dropped, he was going to take Liam from her. Of course he was, she'd done the same thing to him.

"Not my problem", he stood staring defiantly at her.

"Why don't you sit down?" She whispered trying not to panic, knowing she still had to tell him about the baby.

"No, I want my son and I want him now, we're leaving!" He turned from her to leave.

"John wait!"

"I am done waiting!" he bellowed, he had to get out of this room. Her eyes were pleading with him and he had a hard time denying her when she looked at him.

"I really need to talk to you before-" she was having a hard time staying down on the couch, all she really wanted to do was run to him.

"To damn bad! I've wanted to talk for months and you put me off because you needed TIME-"

"I did-"

"…I gave you time and you still wouldn't talk to me so you know what, I don't WANT to talk anymore. I'm through trying to talk to you."

She looked so heartbroken, what did she expect from him? He just wanted to wipe her tears but, he knew he couldn't go near her.

"What did you expect? That you could rip my son away from me! Leave the country, get a restraining order against me…..a restraining order, Natalie, really come on!" Hollering now, he forgot all about the large group of Buchanans just down the hall, all he cared about at this moment was getting all of his anger at her out.

Natalie felt like she'd been slapped in the face. "What the hell are you talking about?! I never-"

"Alright, that's it get out!" Kevin came storming into the library and standing in front of Natalie. "Get out now or I am calling the police." Kevin and John stood toe to toe and glared into each other.

John said with barely controlled furry, "I am the police you fucking moron."

"Stop it, stop it right now!" Natalie yelled from the couch. "John, I never-"

"What the hell is going on in here, I can here you all over the house", Clint stalked into the library, wading through the crowd of people. "What are you doing here, you can't be here." Clint said to John.

"I'm here for my son." John told him turning and facing him just as he'd faced Kevin.

"Over my dead body, boy" Clint growled.

John chuckled, "Oh yeah, cuz, I can do that."


	12. Chapter 12

-Natalie-

"Now wait just a second here, everyone just calm down", Natalie heard Joey say but, by this time she couldn't see anything.

Kevin, John and her father stood in the middle of the room surrounded by Cord, Joey and Rex each one ready to grab anyone who decided to lunge first. Tina, Kelly & Gigi stood behind them.

All of them situated so Natalie couldn't see the original three in the middle. Jess came over to the couch to be near Natalie. It was at this moment all hell broke loose and everyone started yelling at once. John, Kevin and Clint were all threatening and yelling at each other, Cord, Joey and Rex were yelling to try and calm them down and the women were yelling that they were going to not only upset the children, but Natalie.

Natalie couldn't understand a word anyone was saying, she stood up and the room spun a little. Jess was at her side asking her to please sit down but, Natalie couldn't hear her. Her eyes were searching for John, he was all she needed and he had to listen to her. She took a few steps and a sharp pain ran through her abdomen, it stopped her for only a second but, it was long enough for Jessica to notice.

"Natalie, please, please sit down." Jess begged her but, she took a few more steps coming around Kevin's side, before she realized something was wrong. Everything was happening in slow motion. Looking around, she could see them all, their faces, and their mouths moving but, she couldn't hear a thing. She grabbed her belly and her eyes flew to John's. He was staring straight at her, his eyes wide and his mouth open. It was not the way she wanted to tell him but, she had lost control of this situation a long time ago, if she ever had any to begin with.

She wanted to say she was sorry, that she loved him but, she couldn't form any words. She could hear her blood pounding in her ears, she couldn't tare her eyes away from his. The world started to tilt and she knew she was going to fall but, she couldn't do anything to stop it, the last thing she saw was John shoving Kevin out of the way to reach her.

-John-

"Now wait just a second here, everyone just calm down", John heard Joey say to the right of him. As he stood between Clint and Kevin, John didn't know who he'd rather slug first.

They both started yelling at him, threatening him, he wasn't about to stand there and take it. He challenged their threats and yelled right back, waiting for someone to throw the first punch. He could feel Cord, Joey and Rex behind him, he could tell they weren't going to attack him, and he could hear Kelly's shrill voice telling them the children were down the hall in the kitchen, Gigi was hollering about not upsetting Natalie.

He started to look around, where was Natalie, why wasn't she over here in all of this mess fighting with him. All of the sound in the room faded as his eyes found her, practically doubled over holding her stomach. It was when she straightened a little to look up at him he saw it.

She was pregnant. Betrayal, sadness, hurt and more anger ran through him as he stared at her belly. His eyes found her's and he couldn't look away. He could see the apology in her eyes, and then the fear as she started to sway. Her eyes started to roll back into her head, she was going to fall. He shoved Kevin out of the way and reached out to grab her before she hit the floor and his whole world fell apart.


	13. Chapter 13

John sat in the waiting room, apart from everyone else. Jessica and Gigi had told him about her collapse after receiving the picture of him at Kelly's and what the doctor had said. How depressed she had been, how she wanted nothing more than to tell him. If that was true why didn't she?

He could be losing them both right now. His guts where churning. Tears stung his eyes. He didn't know what or how to feel. Happy, he was going to be a father again, anger and betrayal at Natalie for not telling him, grief for his part in her collapse, frustrated at this hospital that wouldn't let him be with her because they weren't married which meant he wasn't family and gut wrenching sadness at the idea they might not both make it. Jessica had offered to go into the room with her, and Jess told him she would find him first and directly with any news. Even though he had no idea how much time had passed, it felt like it had been hours.

He sat staring out the window thinking over his life. The decisions he's made. The curve balls life's thrown him.

Evangeline. Sure, the sex with was great. She was always up for anything. She wanted him to be a better man. But, her version of a better man. She was champagne, and gourmet dinners, the palace and classical music. But, he didn't like the 'better' man he was trying to be for her. He didn't want to be THAT kind of better man. Evangeline, she was a great friend. Natalie, she never tried to change him. She was beer, burgers, Rodi's, pool and Springsteen. Evangeline was a nice girl but, she's been gone from his life for years and...he's been fine. But, he can't live without Natalie. He always knew he made the right choice. There was never really a choice... It was always Natalie.

Marty. She was there when Natalie left him. She needed him. She needed him to be a father to her son, she needed a companion. He could do that. He took care of her, they weren't equals. She was between Evangeline and Natalie. Comfortable. Theirs wasn't some great love story. The sex was...fine. She kept the place clean, he felt guilty for what she went through with him for him but, she was always trying to analyze him or worse have him analyze himself. Sometimes it was exhausting. When she got pregnant he figured he's spend his life with her but, was really in no rush to get married. In fact he never had any plans to ask her. He didn't know if he would have ever. He'd just realized he still had feelings for Natalie, feelings that never went away. There really is no comparison between the two... it was always Natalie.

Caitlin. What would see have thought off all of this? Theirs was first love, sweet, true love. Gentle, quiet, peaceful love. He loved her, no doubt. Cared more about her than Evangeline and Marty but, they had been together for years and things had gotten...routine. He hated to admit. When they made love it was great and he felt it in his soul but, he couldn't help but, wonder...what if she had lived and fate had brought him to Llanview and Natalie anyway, would their relationship had survived? He couldn't imagine his life without Natalie in it somehow. He couldn't remember having the raw, red blazing need for Caitlin that he had for Natalie. He could take Natalie anywhere and had, and never get enough...the floor, in the kitchen, in the backseat, over his desk...hell one night they didn't make it all the way upstairs. They made love on the stairs...and it was amazing, it was always hot and he felt her in his heart and soul. Every time. Whether it was slow and gentle, or rough and fast. Nothing ordinary, nothing routine about them. No, there was no doubt, if Caitlin had lived and fate brought him Natalie, he would have had to have her. So Caitlin or Natalie? Admitting for the first time consciously...Natalie.

He didn't know what happens now, he didn't know if he could forgive her for leaving him, lying to him and taking his son. He didn't know if they would find their way back to each other but, he knew he loved her and he didn't want her to be in pain. He told her once he wasn't her soul mate but, that just was not true. His soul was lost without her. And the fact that she was the mother of his son, a son he wasn't sure he wanted until she told him she was pregnant and another child she was in there fighting with her life for, connected them even more. He and Caitlin had talked about children but, neither of them were ready back then so they didn't go too deep with that, they were young. And with Marty...they never talked about it, it wasn't even an option until she _was_ pregnant, what was he supposed to say then. He loved that child and he mourned that child but, if it hadn't been lost there would be no Liam and he couldn't image a world without Liam.

"John", he heard Jessica call him softly. He could see the tears in her eyes, she look tired.

"Yeah", his voice rough with emotion.

"She is asking for you, do you want to…." she started to ask him, he didn't let her finish.

"Yes, yes where…"

"This way", she started to turn.

"Jess….the baby?" he didn't know if he really wanted to know.

"She wants to talk to you", was all she said. He followed her down the hall, passing all of the Buchanan's on their way out of the waiting room.

No one said a word to him, either Jessica had already told them or she said she would after she shown John down the hall, he didn't care which at this point. Stopping outside her room Jess turned to him.

"John, I know that you are angry and trust me I believe you have every right to be", still speaking softly but, sternly she said, "just remember that there will be time to fight about this later, you both really, right now, need to focus on the health of your baby. Please remember she's scared too right now."

He just looked at her, trying to read her. She seemed genuinely concerned so he gave her a slight nod and opened the door. She looked so small, hooked up to so many machines with so many wires. Her eyes where closed. She was pale and he could tell by she had been crying. Her small belly protruding up from the white sheets, he couldn't help himself, he reached out to lay his hand on it. He closed his eyes.

"I'm so sorry", she said sobbing suddenly, he looked up at her in surprise, he had thought she was asleep.

"Don't…don't, not right now", he said emotionlessly. "What did the doctor say?" He looked back down at his hand resting on her abdomen.

"They wanna take her, they wanna take her now, they said it was best her…." she was starting to panic, knowing how dangerous it would be. It was too early.

"Her?" He asked, his eyes lit up, she could see the tears starting to gather there.

"I don't know for sure, it's just a feeling. I got into the habit of calling it her…..but, I don't…I don't know, I didn't want to find out without you." She looked away. He looked back down at his hand.

"Natalie…..", he moved his hand, he had to ask, he knew it would hurt her but, given what happened with Liam, he had to hear it, from her mouth, out loud. "Is it…" he hated the thought of asking.

"Is it yours?" She finished for him, he looked back up at her quickly, he could see the hurt in her eyes, he opened his mouth to respond. "No, it's a legitimate question given our history", she closed her eyes for a moment, a tear slid down her cheek, he wanted to wipe it away but, he couldn't move.

She took a deep breath, composing herself, "yes, John…it's yours. The afternoon we decided to go home for lunch, on the couch in the living room. It's yours." She left her eyes closed.

"So…how far…." he hesitated, his brain wasn't working, when was that, he remembered it but, he didn't know how long ago it was.

"I'm almost twenty-eight weeks." She said softly.

"Too early." He said.

"I know." Her voice trembled. Jessica's words came back to him then. He reached for her hand. She looked up in surprise. He was looking at their hands. His hands, she had always loved them. They were rough and strong but, always warm and gentle with her. He seemed to be thinking something over. Finally, he looked at her, she couldn't read him.

"Ok, so what me and you do now is…we focus on getting both of you healthy. Everything else can wait, ok?" She nodded and he continued "What has to happen here? How is taking….the baby going to help? Will…..it….survive? I'm lost here I don't know what to do."

"The doctor is coming back to talk to us", she could draw from his strength, they worked well in a crisis, the years had taught them that. John grabbed the chair next to her bed and pulled it closer, never letting go of her hand. They sat in room in silence. When the doctor finally arrived they talked about their options.

Since Natalie didn't seem to be in distress at the moment the doctor was inclined to play wait and see. If both her and the baby kept their blood pressures down, he would let the baby stay were it was. But, if either of them rose, they would have no choice but, the deliver the baby by cesarean section immediately. John and Natalie could feel each others relief at that. The longer she could carry the baby the better. The doctor said he had ordered and ultra sound with in the hour to measure the baby and gauge its size. They could start giving Natalie medication now to help the baby gain strength in case it did have to be delivered early and hopefully that would make a difference.

Natalie would remain in the hospital. The doctor didn't feel it was in her best interest to go home to such a full house. After the doctor left, Jessica stuck her head back in and noted the fact that John and Natalie were holding hands.

"Everything ok in here?" She asked, Natalie explained what the doctor had told them and that she would be staying. She then asked Jess to relay the message to everyone and that they should go home. Reluctantly Jessica agreed. John stopped her as she was leaving.

"About Liam...is there someone..." John hesitated to ask.

"Oh yes, John, don't worry, we'll take care of him." Jess answered right away.

"No, John go back with Jessica, I'm fine." Natalie said from across the room knowing he probably wanted to see Liam.

"I'm not leaving you here alone." He said glancing back at her.

"John, really all I'm going to do is sleep"

"I'm not leaving you." He said flatly almost sounding annoyed.

"Ok, don't worry about Liam we will take care of him, I promise." Jessica said feeling the tension building.

"Hey John, you got a sec?" At his nod they stepped into the hall.

"Listen, she loves you, more than anything, and you've both made mistakes that you both need to be forgiven for. Just remember that ok?" Jessica was hoping he would see that they both made screwed up.

"Thanks Jess", was all he managed before turning away. John came back into the room after Jessica left and lowered the lights. He took his seat next to Natalie's bed.

"John?" Natalie said nervously.

"Yeah", he knew she wanted to talk but, he didn't think it was a good idea.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't. We can't do this now ok? We have to concentrate on the baby and you and keeping you both healthy and safe. That is all that matters right now", he couldn't help looking at her in the dim light, she was still so beautiful. It was late.

"You need to get some sleep", he said finally.

"What about you, you look beat."

"Yeah I am but, I'm not leaving you"

"Well I'm not going anywhere, that recliner over there would be more comfortable than that chair." She smirked at him but, before he get up the doctor came back with the ultra sound machine

"I just want to make sure your little one is doing ok now after that scare", he said.

As the tech set up the machine the doctor addressed what had happened earlier.

"Natalie, we talked about your blood pressure and stress. It's imperative you stay relaxed and calm."

"I know, I'm sorry, it's just-"

"It was my fault", John spoke up. "I wasn't...aware of how serious her...condition was and...I started a fight, it's all my fault."

"No, it's not, its mine-"

"Regardless, this is very serious. From now on please we need to try to keep Natalie's blood pressure down. I'm concerned about the little bit of swelling you've developed. It's leading me to consider the possibility that you've developed Preeclampsia. It's a condition that affects the placenta, and it can affect the mother's kidney, liver, and brain. Preeclampsia is also a leading cause of fetal complications, which include low birth weight and stillbirth. That is why we are considering early delivery."

"But, it's too early for her. If she's born too early-" Natalie was starting to panic, her baby could die if she were born too early.

"If it continues untreated, preeclampsia can causes seizures, and progresses into eclampsia-the second leading cause of maternal death in pregnancy. Natalie, you could not only loose the baby but, your own life. You need to remain here for the duration of your pregnancy. The longer we can keep this baby inside, the better. And like I said before, we can start you on medications to help the baby develop a little stronger in the event that we need to deliver him or her early", the doctor told them gently.

"Anything doctor, anything." John told him quickly. His stomach was in knots. He could loose them both.

"Ok, I think we're ready here", the tech said. She pulled the sheet down slightly and pulled up Natalie's gown without exposing too much of her to the room, and squirted the cold gel and soon the room was filled with a strong steady heartbeat.

"Oh thank God." Natalie felt her heart fill with joy and relief. She turned her glassy eyes to John's to see the same glassiness and relief in his. She couldn't help but, smile as she rested her head back against the pillow. John couldn't look away from the monitor.

"Well?" he said.

The doctor smiled at him, "I think everything is just fine for the moment. He or she doesn't seem to be in any distress right now." John let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Do you want to know the sex?" Natalie snapped her eyes to John, he could see it in her eyes.

"Yes, please" he said quietly.

"Congratulations...it's a girl." The tears Natalie was holding in silently fell. She knew it.

"A girl", John whispered.

"Just like your dream", she said softly.

"Just like my dream", he repeated, he couldn't tear his eyes from hers.

"We're going to leave you now, it's late, please get some rest, your body needs it", the doctor said as he and the tech rolled the machine out of the room. Both John and Natalie were both lost in their own worlds.


	14. Chapter 14

"You should probably get some rest", John said as he let go of her hand and tucked the blankets up around her. Without saying a word, John walked out of the room, Natalie looked up in surprise wondering where he went. He came back a minute or so later with an extra pillow.

"Here" he said, "I remember you liked having an extra to slip between your knees when you lay on your side."

"I can't believe you remember that." He helped her with the pillow, and tucked the blankets back up around her.

"Why wouldn't I remember that?" He asked defensively.

"I just...I don't know", she said weakly, she was too tired for an argument, she didn't mean anything by what she said, in fact she was touched by it.

"Get some sleep", he said, walking over the recliner and settling into it. Both seemed to fall instantly asleep.

Later, Natalie lay in the bed watching John sleep. Wishing there was a way to change all of this. She thought about the decisions she'd made in her life that brought her here.

Christian. She loved him. She really did. He took care of her, showed her what it meant to love and be loved. She never felt like she belonged with his family. His mother finally came around after a while but, Natalie always knew that she looked down on her. She would have never been good enough for him. He was her first love and he would always hold a special place in her heart for as long as she lived. He was sweet and gentle but John burned her soul from the beginning. The way he looked at her that very first day, she could feel it.

_"Well, if I didn't have a reason before…I got one now."_

The way he touched her when they played pool. She wanted him before she married Christian that was so much of her guilt when they thought he had died. She told John she would choose him over Christian and after her anger faded she did. Somehow she knew, if all of that mess in Vegas never happened, it still would have been John.

Jared. He was a good man, too. Eventually. She knew he cared about her and she was content with him. John wasn't ready back then for the things she was and Jared seemed to be. She probably could have spent her life with him and been comfortable but, life with John was exciting and the truth was she never loved Jared the way she loved John. She wondered about if Jared hadn't died, where would she be then? There was no doubt, she would have found her way back to John, she knew it. Liam was meant to be and so was this baby. Their life together was meant to be. John was the love of her life. He was all she ever wanted. John was such a beautiful man. From the moment they'd met she'd been captivated by him.

John jerked awake, trying to remember what woke him, then trying to remember where he was. He looked out the window, it was still dark...or maybe it was dark again. He had no idea how much time had passed, hours or a whole day. The room was dark and quiet. He looked over to Natalie who seemed to have not moved at all. His eyes lingered on her form under the blankets, her belly, his daughter. Looking up to her face and finding her watching him wide awake also.

"Did you sleep?" he asked her quietly.

"A little, I think" she said just as soft. "I haven't slept well in a long time", she said.

He snorted, "yeah me either." He rubbed his face. He got up and pulled the rolling visitor's chair next to her bed closer and sat down.

"What do you need?" He asked her.

She hadn't moved, still curled up on her side, her hands tucked under neither her cheek, she was beautiful.

She shrugged, "I don't know...nothing I guess. I just...can't shut my mind off." After a minute she asked "Did you have a nightmare?"

He looked at her, and chuckled a little, she knew him after all these years.

"I guess I did but, I don't remember what it was about."

Neither of them could look away, each secretly loved looking into the others eyes. They both knew that when either of them avoided the others eyes, they were hiding something. It was a trait that they both shared and didn't realize.

"What's going to happen?" she whispered. She was talking about between them and he knew it. He shook his head indicating he didn't know.

"Not sure" he said. Finally he said, "I think the first thing we need to do is explain to each other."

"Yeah" she said as she looked away. "Who goes first?"

They were both whispering afraid that speaking louder would disturb the peace they both felt.

"I do, everything that's happened has been my fault-" John started.

"No John, I never said-" Natalie felt like they were both equally responsible.

"Please...please just let me. I've needed to say this to you for so long." He was desperate to have his say.

"Ok." She said softly.

"I...don't know if I can explain anymore why I...did what I did but, I can try to explain why I didn't tell you right away." Natalie stayed silent as he continued. "It really didn't mean anything and I guess I thought if...I thought if enough time passed in between that and when I told you, you would see that and you would understand that it would never and...HASN'T ever happened again. The day this all came out, I went to Port Charles to beat the...shit out of Manning, not to see her but, she _was_ there, she worked for him. Brady asked me to go back a few weeks ago and do some set up for him, so yes, I was there again but that second picture you got was taken by Manning again on the day I was leaving, I stopped to get coffee and I ran into her. It was the first time I saw her that trip. She told me she and her husband were expecting again. And she asked about you. That's it Natalie, after that I got up and I left. You, our life together, our son…..children, it's all I've ever wanted. There was a time when I would have denied it. Then there was a time when I would have been too afraid to admit it. I have never deserved you. I never meant to hurt you. I never want to hurt you. I promised I wouldn't hurt you again, and I did", his eyes were glassy as he reached over to wipe her tears.

After a few moments she spoke up.

"I never meant to keep this from you. I meant to tell you that day, remember? I said I had news..." she was hoping that he did.

He sighed, "Yeah, I remember."

"It was after I went to my mom's that I remembered I didn't tell you. Things just…spiraled out of control. I wasn't thinking rationally, and before I knew it I was here and weeks had gone by, I thought I needed to tell you in person, then I couldn't fly, and just...I don't know it just...I lost all control and..." she was getting upset and he knew he had to calm her down.

"Ok, ok...ok I can see how that could happen."

"Liam has missed you so much, and that is all my fault, I never wanted him to go through that again. I just...I hate to see you disappointed in me. I hate to see that look in your eye when I've done something...the way you look at me." She

swiped at her tears again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I did that..." The silence stretched for minutes until John said, "I think what we need to do now is decide what we want...how we move forward."

"Ok", she said smiling weakly.

"Ok", he said as he got up, sliding the chair back and walking around to the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked, clearly confused.

"To figure out what I want. What I need to do." He said without looking at her.

"We're not going to do that together?" She didn't want him to leave.

"No, I need to think." He was still facing the door.

"But, John, I-"

"No you got your time to think. Now it's mine." He told her rather sternly. He walked out leaving Natalie alone in the room.


	15. Chapter 15

Natalie managed to get a few more hours of sleep and when she woke, her sister had joined her.

"Hey sleepy head." Jessica smiled brightly at her.

"Hey", she said. She looked over toward the door quickly hoping Jess hadn't noticed.

"He's having lunch with Liam. He had planned on being back here but, Liam got pretty upset so I told him I'd come sit with you for a while...I hope that's ok?" She asked.

"Of course, how is Liam, what did you guys tell him?" Her poor little boy, he must be so confused and was hoping he wasn't scared.

"Well, John thought it best to not lie to him but, not over whelm him with too many details, so he knows that mommy doesn't feel good and the doctors are taking care of her but, that's it."

"That's good." She was relieved. John was so good with him. They were so much alike.

"Yeah...so, how are you? Are you guys ok?" Jess had seen John when he got back to the mansion. He didn't look good. After Natalie explained her medical condition to her, Jess asked about their relationship.

"Mmm..." Natalie moaned rubbing her eyes, "I don't know. He said he needed some time to think."

"That's understandable but, given that you and your baby's lives are a risk...Natalie, life is too short to be blaming each other and fighting. You guys love each other, everyone knows that, has known that for years. You guys have to fix this", Jessica knew how precious life could be after her losses she didn't want anyone to wasting their lives away.

"Yeah", Natalie said sadly.

"Are you up for more visitors?" Jessica asked her again changing back to that forced overly bright tone.

"Oh", she chuckled, "who's out there?"

"Dad and Kevin, they want to apologize." Jess got up and went to the door and before she knew it her father and Kevin where standing before her.

"How are you feeling darlin' ", her father asked her.

Not really wanting to start anything she answered, "Just tired."

"Jessica explained your condition. I've already got a contact looking into who the leading ob doctors in United Kingdom are, we'll get the best one's here to help you. I won't have anything happening to you or my new grandbaby." Her father went on.

"No, dad I already have a great doctor that John and I trust. Thank you but, I don't want you doing that. We know what we are up against and the doctor is on top of it. We're fine right now", she hoped she could get him to leave this alone.

"Natalie, have you lost your mind? That man cheated on you. He's not going to be anywhere near you." He declared. Natalie couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Dad-" she started.

"No, there is no way I'm going to let that man near you or your baby. That goes for Liam, too. As soon as I can get them away from each other, he'll be thrown out of the mansion. Franklin said I was well within my rights to call the authorities and have him arrested." He was yelling now.

Natalie was stunned, she knew there was no love lost between her father and John but, where was this venom coming from.

"Franklin? Your lawyer?" Natalie asked wondering what he had to do with anything.

"Dad, Natalie and John's relationship is no one's business but, their own. And Natalie isn't supposed to get upset." Jessica said trying to defuse the situation.

"Dad's just trying to keep Natalie and her kids safe Jess, surely you can understand that." Kevin spoke for the first time.

"I don't need protection from John...how can you even say that?" Natalie was visibly upset now, her hands were shaking and her head was starting to pound.

"He hurt you darlin' and he's not going to get away with it, we'll enforce that restraining order and then-"

"What!?" Natalie interrupted him. "Restraining order, oh my God, what did you do? John said something about that yesterday...didn't he? How could you? How could you try to keep Liam from his father? Oh my…..Jess?" Natalie was getting dizzy. "Jess, I don't feel so good...could you get the doctor?" Natalie felt like she might pass out, the room was spinning and her head felt like it could explode.

Her heart was heavy. She felt so betrayed. He was trying to control her life. All to stick it to John.

"What the hell is going on in here?" John demanded.

"John...John", Natalie called to him; holding her hand out to him, she was having a hard time breathing.

"Get out, all of you...get out", John growled out through his teeth. He moved to her side and grabbed her hand as Jess returned with the doctor.

"What's going on?" the doctor asked.

"I can't breathe, the room...I don't feel well..." Natalie lay back, gripping John's hand as the doctor listened to her heart, and took her pulse.

"Natalie, we have to take her now. I know you're worried but, I will do my best to take care of you. I promise." The doctor ushered Clint, Kevin and Jessica out.

Clint wasn't going quietly, throwing threats out to the doctors and nurses that started to spill into the room about what would happen to them if anything went wrong. This was upsetting Natalie further.

"John, don't leave me", she couldn't stop the tears from spilling.

"I won't, I'll be right here" he said.

"Please, I'm so scared." He was crying too now.

"I promise." He said kissing her forehead. Natalie looked at the doctor that returned to her side.

"Save my baby, please save my baby. I don't care what happens to me. If it's me or her, please save her." Natalie begged him.

"Natalie, it's not going to come down to that. Have some faith ok? We're going to go down the hall now ok?" The doctor was shouting out orders and her bed began to move. John was shoved out of the way.

"John!"

"I'm here." She couldn't see him.

"John, don't leave me! John! John!" She hollered out his name weakly one last time before she passed out as they were rolling her through the double doors at the end of the hall.

A nurse physically stopped him with a hand on his chest, "I'm sorry but, you can't go back there."

"You don't understand, I can't leave her. I promised." He couldn't let her go without telling her how much he loved her. He promised not to leave her alone.

"I understand and I'm terribly sorry, we'll be out as soon as we have news." She said sympathetically and turned and walked through the doors herself.

Rage was all he felt. He flew through the hall to the waiting room.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" He grabbed Clint by the collar. Kevin latched on to John's hands trying to pry him off but, John was furious.

"Were you trying to kill her? Huh? Were you! She is in there right now having a baby that might not survive because of you! Neither one of them could survive. She was fine when I left the fuck happened in there?!" John shouted as he shoved Clint away from him.

"John", Jess said softly, "Natalie found out about the restraining order. I swear she knew nothing about it. She would never do that to you. Dad...he thought he was helping her." She looked over at her father, feeling like she'd betrayed him but, knowing she needed to help fix this thing between John and Natalie.

"Well, thank you Jessica, I can see where your loyalties lie." Clint said, hurt.

"Dad, you can't go around making decisions for us. We are adults, you can't be interfering in our lives like this. John and Natalie share two children. It's up to them whether or not they stay together." Jessica sat down heavily in a chair.

"God, I can't lose my sister...I can't", she cried. Kevin sat down and put his arm around her.

"She's a fighter", he said, "She'll be fine."

John scoffed at him and walked away. He stood staring out the window. His world was collapsing. He needed to hit something. He hated this feeling; he had no control over this situation.

"What's going on?" Rex said as he entered the waiting room. "The nurse at the desk said they just brought Nattie back to surgery."

John didn't turn from the window but, he could feel the room fill up behind him.

He stood there as Jessica explained that they were taking the baby in an emergency cesarean. He never said a word when he heard her explain the events leading up to her agitation and blood pressure spike. He never spoke up when he heard the voices behind him reprimand Clint for his part in all of this. He never turned from the window as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"John", her mother said to him.

"Mrs. Banks", he acknowledged her, his voice drenched in emotion.

"I know that I'm not Eve but, I am Natalie's mother so, if there's anything...you need", she knew what he needed but, wasn't sure he would accept it from her.

He stood for a moment longer then turned to look at her. She spread her arms and he fell into them hanging on for dear life. Sobbing into her shoulder, neither knowing who was hanging on tighter.


	16. Chapter 16

It felt like hours. John stood at the window staring out on the London landscape. He knew the room was full of people but, he hadn't turned to survey the room yet. He knew Jess and Mrs. Banks were here, he could here them talking quietly about Mrs. Banks' trip here.

Apparently, Kelly had called her and gave her the information on Natalie's condition. She'd only just arrived, came straight to the hospital and only just witnessed what was happening in Natalie's room from the hall. He knew Rex was here because he'd hear him come in earlier and John knew there was no way Rex would leave until they knew how she was. Clint and Kevin were sitting in the other corner staring a hole in his back, he could feel it but, he couldn't care less. If he thought he could get away with it, he's throw them both out this window. Some one, probably Kelly or Gigi or maybe both were watching the children.

"John", Viki said quietly, he turned to see the doctor coming into the room.

John rushed over to him, "How is she? Is she alright?"

The doctor smiled at him slightly knowing that when John said 'she' he was talking about both Natalie and the baby.

"Natalie is doing well, she is in recovery. We will be moving her back to her room shortly. When she wakes up, she is going to be sore, we have medication for that but, more importantly she is most likely going to be very confused and disoriented. She had passed out before we got her to the operating room. It might be a bit traumatic when she wakes up and realizes she is no longer pregnant. She will need a lot of support. She won't need the added stress of whatever issues are going on here." The doctor looked over everyone assembled in the room.

"As for the baby, in your American measurements, she is two pounds, six ounces; she is sixteen inches long, she is in the neo natal intensive care unit, which is also on this floor, around the corner over there and thru the double doors. The only persons allowed in there are Mr. McBain and Natalie. But, you may ask the nurses to open the curtains and as long as we aren't running any tests or doing a check up on her they will. John, I want you to be prepared to see her. She isn't breathing on her own, we have her on a ventilator. We hope to wean her off of that soon. She will be receiving a feeding tube up her nose. I can explain a few other things when we go in to see her but, despite how she looks and all of the machines…her prognosis is very good. She's not out of the woods yet but, I'm very optimistic. And as soon as Natalie is feeling up to it, we will bring her down in a wheel chair."

"Yeah", he nodded, completely overwhelmed. At that moment, an orderly was rolling Natalie down the hall. He couldn't see her through the blankets.

"Can I see her? Natalie?" John asked the doctor.

"Yes of course for a few minutes. I would really like for you to come down to the ICU soon. The baby is all alone and could really use some bonding time."

"Oh yeah, right….yes", John was torn.

"John, we'll sit with her, mom and me", Jess spoke up behind him.

"I need to see Natalie first", was all he said before leaving them behind and walking into her room.

She was pale, almost grey looking. Not her usual alabaster tone. He held her hand and sat down.

"Hey", he said to her quietly. "I'm….so glad to see you. I'm so sorry, I wasn't there with you, they wouldn't let me go back." He rubbed his thumb over her hand, "I need to go sit with our daughter and I was hoping you would wake up before I go." He sat for a few more minutes but, felt the pull of his baby down the hall.

"I'll send your mom in ok?" He said getting up and placing a kiss on her forehead, he let his lips linger there. He really didn't want to leave her. Pulling away he saw her smile and blink up at him.

"John", she said so softly that if he hadn't seen her lips move he wasn't sure he would have heard her. She was having a wonderful dream, and as usual when she opened her eyes, there he was.

"Hey", he smiled back, she closed her eyes, she looked so happy for a second but, he saw the moment she remembered where she was. She never even opened her eyes up again but, her face crumbled. Her hands went to her flattened stomach and she winced in pain.

Her eyes snapped open, "Where's the baby? Where's my baby?" She remembered everyone in her room and the raised voices and she had had trouble breathing, she remembered them wheeling her out of her room and that's it. She must have passed out maybe.

"Hey, hey listen to me. She's ok alright. I was just getting up to go sit with her." He could see the fear in her eyes. He tried to smile. "The doctor said she is doing well and as soon as you could move around a bit, we could bring you down there, ok?" He told her.

"Ok", she sighed, she bit her lip trying not to cry. She felt so helpless.

"I was going to go get your mom, or would you rather Jess?" He asked her.

"My mom's here?" She looked up at him confused.

"Yeah, Jess called her."

"Either, both, I don't care. I just want my baby." She started crying softly. She was breaking his heart.

"I know, I'm going to go take care of her ok, I promise. I'll take care of her", he smoothed back her hair, she seemed so fragile but he knew how strong she was. Giving her another kiss to the forehead he turned to leave. He was almost out the door when she remembered.

"John." He stopped and turned around.

"Yeah?" He stood with his hands on his hips.

"I didn't get a restraining order against you….that was my dad, I would never-"

"I know, I know all about it. Don't worry about that right now, alright? You just rest", he smiled at her again and she felt the tension go out of her shoulders. He was an amazing father. She wanted to tell him so but, he was out the door too fast.

The nurse led him through the doors, she had him remove his jacket and wash his hands. He had to put on a gown over top his clothes, it reminded him of the gowns Mike and Natalie wore when he was in the hospital after his accident.

When he was ready, the nurse led him over to an isolette. Even though the doctor tried to prepare him, he was surprised by the sight of her. Tiny was the only word that came to mind. She was so small and attached to machines that were so big.

"Alright there?" The nurse asked him. He just nodded. She explained to him what each tube and machine was for. A ventilator, to help her breathe, an umbilical catheter, for drawing blood, so they didn't have to use a needle every time they needed it. A pulse ox for measuring the oxygen in her blood, a heart monitor to keep track of her breathing and heart rate…and on and on.

He just nodded, not really hearing or understanding much of what she was saying. He couldn't tear his eyes off of her. Her skin was so thin and he could just make out the red hair on her head. Her poor little body. The nurse brought over a stool for him to sit on.

"Talk to her, let her hear your voice. It will help her relax", the nurse told him before she disappeared.

"Hey, there darling….I'm your dad. Not sure if you….know my voice. Mommy wants to be here but, she's not feeling all that good at the moment. Your mom is…so amazing, you're one lucky little girl…." He went on and on. About Natalie, Liam, the McBains and the Buchanans, some of them anyways, anything he could think of. After what felt like hours, he heard a noise and looked up. The doctor was wheeling Natalie in in a wheel chair.

"Hey", he smiled at her, "Come see our girl." Natalie's eyes widened at the sight of all the machines and he heard her gasp

"Oh my God", she said, her poor little girl. She could feel the tears again. The doctor wheeled her as close as he could but, it wasn't close enough. She started to stand and John caught her arm, and helped her get closer.

"Oh….oh John…" she buried her face in his chest. This is the first time he'd held her since that day. She breathed in his sent, it was comforting. She loved the way he smelled, she couldn't describe it but, it was just...him.

"Shh...It's ok. Come on now, she needs us", he said as he tucked her head under his chin.

She nodded her head, "yeah, right...ok." The doctor smiled understandingly at them.

"Ok, Natalie, I would like to explain to you what you're seeing here so it's not so frightening." The doctor launched into an explanation of the equipment and machines surrounding the baby. John heard all of this already so, he stood silently holding Natalie in his arms.

"We're going to try to wean her off the vent as soon as we can. She needs to hear your voices and know you're near. Do you have any questions for me?" The doctor asked.

"Can we touch her, how long before we can hold her?" Natalie wanted to know.

The nurse currently tending to the baby spoke up, "She loves to have her head rubbed, very lightly and gently but, she already likes that. And sometimes they like their legs or arms rubbed a little. Her skin is delicate but, just be gentle and you'll be fine. She already looks like she is going to have a bunch of red hair just like her mummy. Does she have a name yet?" The nurse asked.

Natalie and John looked at each other and then sheepishly back to the nurse. Natalie shook her head as John said no.

"Well that's quite alright, baby girl McBain works for us, you take your time with that." The nurse walked away.

"Once we get her weaned off the vent, and if she is stable, it will be very beneficial for you to hold her. We will encourage that. If you don't have any other questions, I have some rounds to make...excuse me", and the doctor left John and Natalie alone for the first time with their baby.

"She's so little", Natalie said still clinging to John.

"She is...come talk to her", John helped her to the stool he had been sitting in.

After an hour, as they sat there together and talked to their baby, John could tell Natalie was exhausted.

"Sweetheart, let's get you back to bed", he tried to help her stand.

"No, I want to stay here with her, I can't leave her..." Natalie couldn't imagine leaving their tiny baby alone in this room.

"You're not going to do her any good if you don't rest. You won't be able to visit if you collapse." He knew how she was feeling but, he also knew she had to get some sleep.

"No John, don't make me leave", she sounded like a whiney child even to herself.

He just chuckled.

"Come on", he helped her up and instead of helping her into the wheel chair, he held her to him. Burying he face in her neck he held her tight.

"Natalie", he said, "I love you." She started to cry, she held him tighter around his waist.

"I love you, too. So much." He kissed the side of her head and leaned down putting his lips to her ear, "Please...please forgive me", he whispered. She shook her head, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

"No", she whispered back, "Please...please forgive me." John pulled back, searching her eyes; he took her face in both his hands. Staring so intently at her she thought she might melt.

"I. Love. You...You, no one else. There is no one else." He told her.

"I love you", she said back, and he leaned down and took her lips, slowly at first.

It had been so long since they'd kissed. He deepened it for a second. Not in passion but, just in love. They pulled back and smiled at each other, turning when they heard the nurse clear her throat next to them.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, your family is asking if I can open the curtain. Would that be ok?" She asked truly sorry to have had to bother them.

"It's fine", John said and the nurse moved over to the window at their right and pulled back the curtain. Natalie looked over to her family and smiled. Even though she knew they couldn't hear her Viki mouthed 'she's beautiful'. Viki, Jess and Gigi were standing in front, with Rex, Joey and Cord behind them. Natalie knew her father and Kevin were out there but, she didn't feel like dealing with them right now.

"You know", John said, " we are going to have to pick out a name for her...we can't keep calling her baby girl all her life. She really won't like that when she is sixteen." Natalie giggled.

"Come on let's get you to bed." John helped her into the wheel chair and then down the hall and into the bed. He turned to move over to the recliner when she grabbed his hand.

"Please hold me..." She moved over and made room on her hospital bed and he climbed up next to her. For the first time in months they were at peace.


	17. Chapter 17

Epilogue

August 4, 2014

It was twenty-four months to the day that he almost lost everything. It was twenty-one months since his daughter was born. Eighteen months since his daughter left the hospital. Fifteen months since they came home for good from England . Twelve months since they were finally married. Seven months since his son turned three.

"JOHN!" He grunted as he rolled over. His one day off and he can't even sleep in. The bedroom door flew open.

"John? Oh good your awake." She blew into the room and into the bathroom, grabbing a brush and sloppily threw her hair up in a pony tail. She looked just the same as the day they met.

"The dishwasher still isn't working. Did you ever call that guy about fixing it?" She asked as she rushed back threw the other way.

"No, I forgot. I'll call him today." He said as he rolled over. He heard her sigh deeply and say in that voice that said she was disappointed but, wouldn't bother him about it again.

"Ok, thanks." She would have to make due she thought. He worked so hard and deserved to sleep in. She shouldn't have bothered him about it yet but, she'd been up for hours. She hadn't realized how early it was yet. She only worked part time now so she could stay home with the kids more.

They made the decision together but, some days she felt guilty that he worked so hard for them. She would make the time today to hand wash the dishes. It's not that she was above it, it just was a time saver with two young children underfoot.

Right before she closed the door he heard his son, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!"

"Shhh, baby Daddy's sleeping." The door closing shut out the rest of their conversation.

John sighed, there was no point trying to get back to sleep now. After throwing on a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt, he brushed his teeth and hair. Standing at the sink, he looked around, the room was spotless. He walked back through the bedroom and except for the bed, this room was spotless as well.

Feeling a little guilty he made the bed, it wasn't perfect but, it didn't stand out in the room now so much. Making his way down stairs, he looked around their living room, a playpen in the corner, the toys that sometimes litter the floor were in a basket next to the playpen. Crayons and coloring books were neatly stack up on the coffee table. He turned to walk through the dining room and into the kitchen when he stopped dead in his tracks.

His son was sitting at the table eating pancakes and talking around his full mouth to tell his mommy something about a puppy he'd seen running through the back yard and his daughter sitting in her high chair smashing what was left of a banana into the tray and laughing as it squished through her fingers. His beautiful wife, standing at the sink trying to listen to her son and wash the dishes at the same time. She was amazing. She took such amazing care of all of them.

And here she was, instead of getting mad at him for not getting the dishwasher fixed for her, she was letting him sleep in. Whatever needed to be done she did it.

"Daddy!" Liam yelled out catching his attention. He turned to smile at his son.

"The Henderson's got a puppy and it got loose this morning and it was running around in our back yard and it's really cute and I really wanna puppy, can we get a puppy? Can we?" He didn't think Liam even took a breath.

John looked up and caught Natalie's eye, she smiled back at him. He went over and smoothed down his hair and gave Liam a kiss on the head. He looked over at his daughter. Alana Kathleen. They chose Alana, just like Liam's for its meaning; Irish for 'darling child'. John had started calling her 'darling' when she was still in the isolet at the hospital in England, and when he heard the name 'Alana' and it's meaning from his mother, he thought it was perfect. His darling little girl. Kathleen for his Grandmother McBain. A woman that he could remember as the perfect grandmother. He recalled all of the cookies and stories and hugs for both Mike and himself when he thought of her.

She had both her father and her big brother wrapped around her finger. Her eyes and smile were all 100% Natalie. He didn't know how he would deny her anything. She reached a banana covered hand out to him and he kissed her on the head and turned to face his wife. She was looking at him oddly.

"What's wrong?" She said quietly. She was wiping her hands off on the towel that had been hanging on her shoulder. He took her hands in his and looked into her eyes.

"I love you", he said simply. He was rewarded with a smile that could light up a room.

"I love you, too", she said as he cupped both her cheeks in his hands and pulled her to him. He kissed her slowly, and deepened it only for a second. When he pulled back he could see she was just as effected as he was. He gently moved her to the side and took her place at the sink.

Natalie stood there for a moment, stunned. John had changed so much over the years but, seeing him so moved at the sight of his family, their family. That was something she never thought she would see.

"I'll call that guy right after I finish these." He told her. She did so much for so many; he needed to make sure he did more for her.

"Sit down and have some coffee, I got this." She stood unmoving obviously stunned. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow wondering if she heard him.

"John, it's your day off-" she started.

"Just…do it", he smirked. He was going to pamper her today, she deserved it.

It was well into the afternoon when his cell rang. They had gotten both kids down at the same time and they were sitting on the couch, he had her in his arms as she was slowly drifting off. Listening to the silence.

"McBain", he answered.

She loved that voice. She loved when he took charge like he did today. It thrilled her and turned her on a little bit too. She had a secret and she didn't know how he was going to take it. They hadn't discussed it, it would definitely be a shock.

"Ok, I'll be right there." He hung up and pulled her closer to him.

"Mmm…don't go…" she begged knowing it was no use. He would go because that was who he was, and she loved him for it.

"I won't be long, I promise. I'll bring something back for dinner. How 'bout that?" He said as he gave her one last squeeze before getting up.

"Be careful", she said. Being a cop's wife and working at the LPD herself she knew the danger every time he walked out the door. He'd lost his own father in the line of duty. She prayed every day her children wouldn't know that kind of pain.

"Always." He told her as he walked out the door. Normal would never be a word to describe their lives. He wouldn't change a thing

"Natalie, I'm home", John said as he came thru the door with a bag of take out that he had promised in his hand. Setting both his keys and the take out down he called, " Liam…hey where are you buddy." Looking thru the dining room into the kitchen searching for his family, and not seeing anyone, he made his way to the stairs, "Hey come on guys, I brought dinner like I promised…..Natalie?"

"I'm here", she said coming down the stairs.

"Are you hungry? I remembered to pick us something to eat….where are the kids?"

Natalie couldn't fight the smile that broke out on her face. Feeling the déjà vu and knowing that this time it would end much better.

"They're with my mom for the rest of the afternoon. I wanted to be alone with my husband", she smiled brightly at him. "Is that ok?"

He felt the déjà vu, too. Because he had something to tell her and this time he had to tell her first before she heard it from someone else.

"I need to talk to you", he said seriously.

"I need to talk to you, too", she said back smiling brightly, "and it's really important."

"So is this", he countered. He stood facing her with his hands on his hips. She stood twisting her wedding ring.

"Ok so every time this happens one of us never gets to talk or say what we need to", she said thinking back to all the other times like this, and things that didn't get said.

"Well…who goes first?" He asked. He couldn't help but smile at her.

"No at the same time…we'll say whatever it is at the same time and then figure out what to deal with first. How's that?" She said. Feeling proud of herself for having thought of it. Wishing she'd thought of it a long time ago. It would have saved them some heartache. Grabbing his hand and leading him to the couch, they both sat down.

"Sounds fair", he sat down next to her and grabbed her hand. She smiled.

"Ok", she started, smiling, "on the count of three….one, two, three…"

*Both at the same time.*

"I'm pregnant."

"Evangeline is alive."


End file.
